The Royal Couple had a baby girl. We did it guys!
TMZ- Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher just wrapped up their newest production — in diapers — Mila has given birth to a baby girl … TMZ has learned. Sources close to Mila’s womb tell us … Mila delivered Tuesday night at Cedars-Sinai — the hospital of choice for many celebrities. We’re told they arrived at the hospital Tuesday around 6 A.M. … and were taken right to a delivery room. They came by themselves — no entourage, no family. Sources tell us Mila delivered right on schedule … and delivered right around the Jewish New Year. Mazel Tov!
It happened! It really happened! Of course it was going to happen eventually but The Royal Couple finally gave birth to their princess daughter yesterday it sounds like. I doubt she weighed 14 pounds but we all can’t be perfect. I haven’t seen a name yet but it’ll no doubt be awesome. How could it not be? What a day. What a goddamn day. How lucky is that baby? Being born to a smoking hot Mom who was in Ted and an Iowan. It doesn’t get much better than that. Not to mention this little princess will have the run of Iowa whenever she wants to. She’ll come back, we’ll roll out the red carpet, sound the horns, throw rose peddles at her feet and we’ll all get drunk with Ashton and Mila while the little princess is watched by her grandparents. Show her just how awesome Iowa is. Maybe bring her to Kinnick and present her at mid field to 70,000 Iowans. It’ll be a joyous occasion. And I’m sure it’s no coincidence that she was born right after the video of Ashton talking up Iowa started making the rounds again. It all makes sense now. I feel like the only move for Ashton and Mila at this point is to move back to Iowa so the baby can grow up in a solid environment. You don’t wanna raise your kid in California where the schools suck and the people suck. Raise her here and she’ll be a genius with solid morals. Not to mention how much richer Ashton and Mila and the baby would be here rather than out there. In Hollywood, they’re just another couple with another big house. But here? They’d be one of the richest with the biggest house. It’s practical is all I’m saying. And don’t worry about being hassled by Iowans all the time, we’ll respect your privacy. Bring that baby back to the homeland! Oh and congrats you two love birds.
PS- I think I wrote this in an early Mila pregnancy blog but I’ll throw my hat in the Godfather candidate ring again. I’m a stand up, trustworthy guy for the most part. I like drinking but, hey, who doesn’t. No, I’ve never met Ashton or Mila but those are what we like to call minor details.
Introducing Kara from the University of Iowa. send all smokes to firstname.lastname@example.org
Introducing Kara from the University of Iowa.
send all smokes to email@example.com
I don’t know why but I do enjoy these. Like yeah, they obviously edit parts of it to make these people look like complete morons but at the end of the day, the answers they were able to come up with are worth more than political answers. Correct political answers might seem more important [...]
I don’t know why but I do enjoy these. Like yeah, they obviously edit parts of it to make these people look like complete morons but at the end of the day, the answers they were able to come up with are worth more than political answers. Correct political answers might seem more important but they’re not. Anybody who wants to talk to me about policitcs, I don’t want to talk to. Plain and simple. Life is too short to get in an argument about shit like that. But you wanna talk about Pineapple Express? I’m in, love that movie. For the one guy, it’s always a good thing to know a brand of rolling paper. And if that dude who knew the Martin Lawrence answer wants to talk about Blue Streak, let’s fucking do it. One of the most underrated movies ever. Fuck the pope and fuck the speaker of the house. I’d much rather smoke blunts with these people and shoot the shit about Martin Lawrence movies than talk about politics with somebody who pretends to know what they’re talking about. Kimmel wanted to make these people look like morons but they actually come out looking like normal human beings…..kinda.
Fuck this guy though. Stop saying “Make it happen. Just stop. That’s the stupidest thing a person can say.
Would, by the way. But mostly because of how excited she got when she said “Crunch wrap supreme!” I recognized that type of genuine excitement because I feel the same way about crunch wraps. They’re the best.
So I looked into this video and it says it’s from 2009 but people are talking about it now for some reason? I’ve seen it just about everywhere in terms of Iowa people on Twitter. I have no idea what the video is from. Well since Barstool Iowa wasn’t here in 2009 we’ll look at it now anyway. 2009 or 2014, it doesn’t matter. All of the things Ashton says there is true. He summed it up perfectly in 68 seconds. Growing up in Iowa is awesome, being from here is awesome, if you’re from here you’re more awesome than people who aren’t from here, we’re more than just corn, we work harder than everybody, we’re the nicest people in the world, other places are a lot shittier than Iowa. Boom, nailed it. Short and sweet. Alright so, he didn’t say those things exactly but I’m a pro at reading between the lines and that’s what he meant. Gotta love a guy who has a millions of dollars in the bank and doesn’t forget where he came from. Oh and my Mom also does the thing where when I visit she tries to fix my collar and all that. Well she’s not fixing my collar as much as she’s trying to strangle me because I came sprinting out of her womb 25 years ago and weighed 14 pounds.
I wasn’t born at Mercy hospital but I was born at the hospital right next to Mercy. Was he trying to say we should be best friends? I kinda think so. If he was, Ashton and super pregnant Mila Kunis have an open invite to come hang with me and my pals when they come back for Thanksgiving. We’ll paint the town red. We’ll hit some old spots, get drunk (only water for Mila of course LOL) and talk about how awesome it is being from Cedar Rapids. Good talk, see ya out there.
PS- That camera was SUPER close to Ashton’s face. It’s okay though because all Cedar Rapidians look good on camera (myself included) so whatever.
Worst job ever or worst job ever?
Metro- If you’re not enjoying your job, spare a thought for the pigeons’ anus checkers in China. Yes, there is someone checking 10,000 the backsides of pigeons. They were examined for explosives ahead of today’s National Day, reflecting the government’s nervousness about possible attacks. They were released in Tiananmen Square as part of the 65th anniversary celebrations of the founding of the People’s Republic of China. Beijing domestic security police officer Guo Chunwei was quoted in the Jinghua Times as saying workers checked the wings, legs and anus of each pigeon ahead of time to ensure they were ‘not carrying suspicious material.’ The entire process was videotaped, and the birds were then loaded into sealed vehicles for the trip to Tiananmen Square, the newspaper said. A similar report appeared in the Beijing News, and the People’s Daily tweeted about it in English: ‘10,000 pigeons go through anal security check for suspicious objects Tue, ready to be released on National Day on Wed.’ The reports – which did not say what the suspicious materials might be – drew amused and derisive responses from some Chinese readers, and many news sites, including the Beijing News website, later deleted the reports. However, the Jinghua Times report and the People’s Daily tweet were still visible as of midday Wednesday.
I’m shocked by a few things about this story. I’m shocked a country can be so paranoid that the idea of searching the butt holes of 10,000 pigeons even occurs to a person. Bomb sniffing dogs, snipers on the roof, metal detectors, emergency escape routes. I get all of that. Those things are common sense protocol for the most part when you’re having a big celebration. But for somebody to raise their hand and say, “What about the assholes of pigeons? Shouldn’t we search those for explosives?” Forget the pigeons. Interrogate the dude who came up with this idea. He’s the one who’s up to no good, not the innocent pigeons who are being picked out of an airport line for no reason. He’s throwing everybody off the scent with the suggestion. He tells Chinese officials to search the pigeons then he goes and sticks every explosive he can find up the assholes of eagles. Done and done. They’ll never think of eagles! Genius. Most shocking thing though is that there were people willing to search the anuses of 10,000 pigeons. It’s like that Seinfeld bit where he’s shocked that there are people willing to do every job out there.* Well I’m shocked there are people willing to search pigeon asses for bombs. I’m surprised during the morning meeting when it was announced that today they would be digging into bird butt holes the entire staff didn’t just walk out right then and there. If a bunch of explosive pigeons ruin the ceremony, so be it. I’m not anally probing birds. That would’ve been the sane thing to do. But instead they stayed and searched for explosives in the weirdest place possible. Then again, it is China so who fucking knows what’s going on.
*That’s a Seinfeld bit, right? I was almost positive it was but then I couldn’t find it anywhere.
PS- An underrated part of the story is where they said they video taped the entire search process. Yep, gonna need that for later. So next year on the anniversary when we have a new crop of workers, because our current employees for sure quit after today, we can show them how it’s done properly. Weird as fuck all the way around.
Was he doing that on purpose?
Chill out bro! The only explanation is he was doing that on purpose. Like Wes Welker dropping a million foot references at a press conference. Why would the anchor do that on purpose? No idea but it just seems like it was on purpose. If he wasn’t doing it on purpose he wouldn’t have rattled off “anyway you slice it” three times in a 9 second clip. He just wouldn’t. He would’ve said “anyway you slice it” then felt that burning sensation on his brain that every person feels when they realize they just said something stupid and he would’ve stopped. But nope, he dropped it TWO more times. Or it’s one of those things where he said it and his inner monologue started up “Shit did I actually just say that? FUCK I said it again! And again! Stop saying words man! What is happening?!” It’s like when you try super hard not to say something but that’s exactly what you end up saying. Whatever it was it was awwwwwwkard.
Hell yes. I loved every second of that. Nothing brings me more joy than watching a bunch of dudes who think they’re super bad ass and only to find out the opposite is true. It’s like the episode of The Sopranos when Jackie Jr. and his buddies decide to stick up the card game to try and get themselves into that world and it becomes glaringly obvious that they ain’t bout that life. Not in the slightest. Well the dudes who tried to rob these people at gunpoint? They ain’t bout that life either. They thought they were. They really did. On the surface they had it all. The guns, the masks, the getaway car. Everything looked the part. But when push came to shove and the shirtless fat dude came running at them with his gun drawn, they folded. They folded like a cheap suit. If you’re serious about being an armed robber, you stand your ground and put one in his knee. If you’re not serious about being an armed robber, you sprint out of there with your tail between your legs and probably have piss on your pants. Better luck next time boys.