Kids are so fucking stupid. What is that kid even doing there? And don’t say, “He’s being a kid” because that just proves my point that kids are stupid. I’m sure the parents of that little waste of skin will end up suing the place that keeps that dog. Saying the little boy hurt himself when he fell or that the dog is too aggressive to have around children and they should put it down. Hey, you know one way to not make the dog do that? Don’t let your kid lunge at him like he’s some kind of crazy person. Basically don’t let your kid be a moron is the lesson of that video.
Unbelievable. Just goes to show bad people are everywhere. Doesn’t matter if you’re out east or out west or even in the middle of the country where I’m from. Shit isn’t rainbows and unicorns here in the Midwest like you might imagine. Crime is a real problem no matter where you go. Horrible people doing horrible things. Thank god they got this one solved. Cold case since 2012? You mean to tell me this lunatic has been walking around on our streets for 3 years now? We’re lucky this psycho didn’t hurt anybody else. Or maybe they did. We might never know. Well we can all sleep soundly tonight knowing there’s one less bad guy out there. Shout out to the police who cracked the case.
Well that’s it. Me and toilets had a good run but it’s over now. Read a lot of magazines, checked Twitter and played Temple Run. That’s all over now. I’m never gonna be able to get that spider outta my head. It’s there forever now. Some things you just can’t unsee. It’s always kind of in the back of your head that there might be something in the toilet under you. A snake or a spider. But the human brain can block it out if you’ve never actually seen a snake or spider in the toilet. That’s over now. To be totally honest, I was so upset somebody sent me this video that I didn’t want to be alone in my misery so I’m blogging it. Sorry, guys. What do we do now? I guess go back to diapers? I’ve actually long been wanting to make that switch for awhile but the timing just wasn’t right. Well the timing just got right. Fuck spiders.
PS- There is hope I can one day return to toilets. For the longest time growing up I used to have to check behind the shower curtain when I went to the bathroom to make sure there wasn’t a killer in there. I grew out of that* so there’s a chance I don’t have to wear diapers forever.
*Who am I kidding? I still check behind the shower curtain every damn time I go to the bathroom. I’ve matured a full 0% since I was 6 years old.
I Feel Like I’m Watching A Past-Their-Prime Athlete When I See Britney Spears’ Hair Extensions Fall Out On Stage
Sad. That makes me sad. Britney Spears running around stage and having her hair extensions fall out. I never wanted to write this blog but I feel like I’m watching Michael Jordan on the Wizards when I see that video. Sure, it’s cool to see her up there but it’s not the same as it once was. She just can’t keep up anymore. All the previous greats are falling by the way side while the young guns make them less and less relevant as the days go by. We just watched Madonna fall on her ass about a week back. She’s still grasping at straws after all these years. Britney is and always will be my #1. I fell in love wither he way back and and that love still burns ascot as it ever did. Even though I have all the streaming porn my dick desires at the ready, her “Toxic”music video still does it for me. The fastball she had in her prime can go up against some of the great but now that fastball is long gone and we’re just here for the novelty of it.
I don’t want to go as far as to call the GEICO marketing people geniuses, but they might be geniuses. What’s the one and only thing in this world that is exclusively used by everybody? And when I say everybody I mean everybody? Exactly, the Skip Ad button after 5 seconds during a stupid ad before YouTube videos. There isn’t a single person who sees the Skip Ad button and says, “You know what? I’m gonna stick around for the whole thing. I’m much more interested in this commercial than I am the actual video I came here for.” Nobody does that. Until now. GEICO up and did it. They found our one weakness: dogs. A dog stomping all over a kitchen table and eating spaghetti off people’s plates. I squealed with delight when the dog stepped into the salad bowl to get to more spaghetti. Salad? Fuck salad. That’s what he was thinking.
Remember How JJ Watt Moved To A “Minimalistic” Log Cabin To Train During The Offseason? Yeah Well, The Cabin Is Fucking Awesome
CBS Sports- Back in January, the only thing we knew about J.J. Watt‘s log cabin was that it was made of logs and it was a cabin. We also learned that the cabin was “minimalistic” because that’s what Watt said when he bought the place. Apparently though, Watt has a slightly different definition of minimalistic than the rest of us. Busted Coverage published a few photos of Watt’s cabin on Monday and his cabin looks exactly like you would expect a cabin to look like if it was owned by someone with a $100 million NFL contract.
Am I remembering this story wrong? That’s a real question. Because from my recollection JJ Watt moving to a cabin to train in the offseason was spun as a “Oh he’s moving into the cabin where nobody is. It’s just him, four walls made out of logs and his training equipment. He’s gonna live like a minimalist just so he can perfect his craft of ripping QB’s heads off. No distractions.” That’s honestly how I remember the news reports reporting it. Well I gotta say, JJ Watt and I have different definitions of minimalism because that cabin is fucking AWESOME. Like super awesome. That’s nicer than any house I’ll ever own. That’s nicer than any house I’ll ever dream to own. I was hoping in the pictures of his minimalist cabin it would be one room with a Bowflex machine and then a blocking dummy in the front yard. That’s it. No other material pleasures. Nope. The place has rooms on rooms on rooms and everything a person could ever want. The “No distractions” part looks to be true because that looks like an expensive neighborhood that nobody can afford to live in.
PS- Did I actually think JJ Watt was gonna live in a place with just 4 walls and an inside that was heated by a wood-burning stove? Of course not. The dude signed a $100M contract. I just think it’s funny how it gets reported that way.