Mirror- A glamour model has spent a staggering £30,000 on cosmetic surgery to look like a blow-up sex doll. Latvian Victoria Wild underwent an array of procedures such as three boob jobs, which enlarged her breasts to a whopping 32G, permanent lip implants and botox to transform herself to resemble an inflatable love toy. And the 30-year-old, who lives in Cannes, France, admits she loves the attention she receives. ”Who wouldn’t want to be treated like a bimbo doll?” she said. “It’s such a sexy look. ”People stare at me in the street and I love the way I stand out.” She added that modelling and her sugar daddy boyfriend funded her new look. Victoria’s epic transformation began in 2011 when she spent £25,000 on three boob jobs in Hungary.
Is this the part where I’m supposed to say she looked better in her “Before” picture than she does in her “After” picture? Because that would be a lie. A big fat lie. Quite possibly the biggest lie a person can tell. She looks a million times better after she committed herself (and $50,000 of he Sugar Daddy’s money) to looking more like a blow up sex doll. Fact. Is that the way the world should work? Fuck if I know. What I do know is my dick likes the looks of her after all of the surgeries. Sure, her face is a little wonky but since she was going for the look of a blow up sex doll, I’d say she pretty much nailed it. And also, hate to say it, but she’s going to have a better life now that she looks like that. Another one of those hard facts of life. She now has huge boobs and an awesome body. You know what people love out there in the real world? Huge boobs and an awesome body. She’ll get hit on all the time, guys will buy her drinks, she’ll get into exclusive clubs, etc. All of the things most girls love. It’s not totally fair because that motivates girls to do the same thing but the fact of the matter is that she’s better off looking like a plastic doll that dude’s want to stick their dick than she is looking like a normal chick. I don’t make the rules I just know what they are.
Is that video real? I have my doubts. Does this chick on a motorcycle just ride around all day and wait for people to litter? When you start to think too much about it the possibility of it being staged begins to sky rocket. But I’m in a decent mood today. I’m fine with believing that this is real because it’s hilarious. Nothing worse than people who litter. Very few things make me angry but littering is one of them so I’m more than fine with the public shaming of these people. There’s trash cans fucking everywhere. Use them. It’s not that hard. And if you can’t find one while you’re driving, do what I do and stash it in your car where it’ll be there forever and ever. If this is real then these people 1000% deserve what they got and the girl on the motorcycle is doing God’s work. The part where she taped the piece of trash to the guy’s mirror was awesome. The part where she threw an ash tray on a person was hilarious. I really enjoyed the video all the way around even though there’s a chance it’s fake.
All of my grandparents are dead and I’m always in the market for a couple new ones. If this guy submits an application to be my grandpa then he flies to the top of the stack. The very top. Taking two of the coolest things in the world (G-Unit and old wise people) and combining them is a can’t-miss idea. He could tell me about the time back in his day before the internet when milk was a nickel but he can also tell me the New York borough each G-Unit member is from (other than Young Buck, obvs) and knows the lines to all the songs off Beg For Mercy. Sounds like a perfect situation for me.
I’ve said it on here before but I was the biggest G-Unit fan in the world in the early 2000′s through the mid 2000′s. I knew (and still know) all of their music by heart and I wore G-Unit clothing from time to time. Yep, I was that kid. Picture the white kid wearing G-Unit shirts that every high school had and I was him. No shame either. Actual pride. I loved my G-Unit shirts. And we found out recently that G-Unit s having a reunion album that 2005 Trent is fucking PUMPED about it. I feel like people forget how big of a deal they were in their prime. The best way to describe how popular they were is to remind people that they were popular enough for Tony Yayo’s solo album went gold. Tony Yayo is the worst rapper of all time but the G-Unit hype machine was so powerful back then he sold 214,000 the first week. I don’t know what Yayo did or how many guys he killed for Curtis Jackson in their previous life in Queens but he did something that made 50 want to keep him around.
PS- Obligatory “Grandpa Unit” joke.
Bravo! Bravo! I always talk about how awful it would be to have children and this guy goes and flips the whole thing around on me. I forgot about the part where you get to fuck with your kids in hilarious ways. And not in a hit-them-with-a-sharpened-tree-branch kind of way. I’m talking about the way where you get them all excited by lying to them about a new car and then not actually buying them a new car. That’s good ol’ fashioned fun right there. Good clean family fun. Those types of opportunities only come along when you have kids. I’m telling you, this might’ve changed my stance completely on children. Yes, they’re gross money pits who never give their parents enough credit for the sacrifices they had to make in order for them to simply survive. But it all comes back around when you get to troll them into thinking they’re getting a new car and instead hit them with the “You’re Adopted” zinger. To me, that’s well worth never seeing your friends and not having a life. Bring on the kids!
PS- Is there a funnier joke a parent can make to a kid than the “You’re Adopted”? I say no. And even if this Dad was totally kidding (it’d be funnier if he wasn’t) it’s still hilarious. Because you know for that split second, a moment of doubt sneaks into the kid’s mind about maybe being adopted. It’s simply the best. Well played.
Metro- A video has emerged of the moment an angry mob in Ukraine frog-marched a politician out of the building – and threw him into a rubbish bin. Vitaly Zhuravsky can been seen being jostled by the group in Kiev before being picked up and dropped in the metal container. The mob is then seen throwing a tyre and some liquid on top of him, pushing him back down roughly when he tries to get up.’Boys, let me kick him at least once,’ a woman at the scene can be heard saying. Zhuravsky is a former member of ousted President Viktor Yanukovych’s Party of the Regions and was criticised in January for writing a bill aimed at suppressing anti-government protesters. It is believed the mob were angered when Zhuravsky and other politicians granted an amnesty to pro-Russia rebels.
Of course the video won’t work. You can watch it here.
Alright, so that was kinda mean. Throwing a tire on him and whatever that liquid was was probably a little too much. But I kind of love the idea of throwing people into dumpsters who act in a way that angers a majority of people. And to be clear, I have no idea why they threw this dude in the dumpster. I read the article blurb and I still have no idea what’s going on. But if we should adopt one thing from the people of Ukraine, it’s throwing public figures into dumpsters. For instance, right about now you’d be hard pressed to find somebody who wouldn’t want to throw Roger Goodell in a dumpster. He comes strutting out of his nice office wearing a suit that was bought with his $44 million dollar salary and we all surround him and throw him in a dumpster. Tell me you wouldn’t do that. Does it solve anything? It sure doesn’t but I know for a fact we’d all feel better if we put Goodell in a dumpster and threw tires at him.
People Are Mad At Krispy Kreme For Offering A Milkshake With The Same Amount Of Calories As A Roast Dinner
Daily Mail- A food chain has unveiled a sugar-laden milkshake with as many calories as a typical Sunday roast. Nutritionists branded the concoction from Krispy Kreme a ‘calorie explosion’.The strawberry and cream version contains 612 calories – more than a quarter of a woman’s daily allowance and almost as much as a 650-calorie roast chicken dinner. A coffee Kreme shake with espresso, cream and chai powder weighs in at 446 calories, but the simple strawberry milkshake outdoes them all at a worrying 800 calories. Emma Conroy, of Edinburgh Nutrition, said: ‘Nobody would regard Krispy Kreme as anything other than an indulgent treat. ’There will people who consume it too frequently.
People’s ability to get angry about something that’s really not a big deal is staggering. Who cares that Krispy Kreme now offers a milkshake that’ll give you a heart attack the second you finish it? Big deal. That’s the way fast food is right now. You either make your menu super healthy in an effort to be “different” and attractive to the PC crowd or you simply goes ball to the wall like Krispy Kreme with their new milkshake or Arby’s with their new Mountain Meat sandwich. It’s one way or another. You can’t just be in the middle on this issue if you’re a fast food company. You have to put your foot down and say, “We’re gonna try and not give Americans heart attacks” or put your foot down and say, “We’re gonna try and give Americans all the heart attacks they can handle” Nobody likes a fence sitter. And that lady who is concerned about people drinking too many Roast Dinner Calorie milk shakes? Fuck’em (I’m one of these people). Let them (us) do what they (we) want. If they drink them to the point of death there’s a good chance we’re all better off. Nature has a way of weeding out the people who should be gone anyway. I can say that because I’m for sure one of the people who will drink these suckers until my nose bleeds and I die from a brain aneurysm. Get busy livin or get busy dyin.
We got a Krispy Kreme here in Iowa when I was a kid. It was like nothing we had ever seen before. The donuts were so damn good that people literally lost their minds over them. Myself included. You could stand in the store and watch them come fresh off the assembly like-looking thing. The only comparison I can think would match the reaction we had would be when man first discovered fire. That’s how much it changed everyone’s lives. I’d eat those things by the dozen. Then one time I got the flu, tried to eat one of their donuts and threw up. I could never eat them again which was a real shame. The place went out of business and now it’s an Arbys.