Adam Sandler Telling An Animated Story About The Time He Tried To See Shaq’s Dick Taking Us Into The Weekend
Have a great weekend everybody!
Have a great weekend everybody!
DUBLIN, Calif. — A Dublin-area California Highway Patrol officer is under investigation for allegedly sending nude photos of a DUI suspect from her cellphone to his own phone while the young woman was in custody, court records show. An investigator from the Contra Costa County District Attorney’s Office is recommending that 35-year-old CHP Officer Sean Harrington be charged with felony computer theft, according to the court records. Investigators served a search warrant at the officer’s Martinez home on Oct. 10 and seized his cellphone and laptop that contained nude or semi-nude photos, text messages and instant messages from the cellphone of a 23-year-old San Ramon woman arrested on suspicion of DUI, according to the search warrant. The woman, whose name is not being released and is referred to in court documents as Jane Doe, was stopped by Harrington and his CHP partner for an unsafe lane change on Interstate Highway 680 in San Ramon just after midnight on Aug. 29.Doe failed field sobriety tests and her blood alcohol level was measured at .29 percent, according to court records.
Classic. Yet another glaring example that life is nothing like a movie. At all. Think about it this way. This situation would make for a funny bit in the upcoming Super Troopers sequel. It’d be hilarious. The guy who looks Mexican but isn’t Mexican pulls over a smoking hot chick in a Porsche who’s drunk out of her skull. As she’s being booked at the station he starts cycling through the pictures on her phone and comes across some nude ones. So what does he do? Yep, he e-mails them to himself so he can look at them later with the other guys. The theater erupts in laughter, the Broken Lizard guys cash a couple more checks and we all go home satisfied talking about how funny and relatable that scene is. Okay, now take that scenario and put it in real life and here’s what we have. The girl suing the police department, the cop at risk of losing his job and everybody crying foul about what the officer did. I’m not saying what he did should be overlooked and that he’s not a scum bag for doing it. I’m just pointing out that life would run a little bit smoother if it was like a movie written by the Broken Lizard guys.
Top comment: “Pics or GTFO”
If I had them, you’d have them.
Fucking Russia. Makers of great vodka, home to sex icon Vladimir Putin and the leaders in online videos involving cars that make no sense but are extremely aggressive. For instance, we have no context as to why this guy lost his shit and started ramming other cars with his car. Bad day at work? Caught his girl cheating on him? Realized he’s from Russia? We don’t have the slightest clue but I think it’s better that way. It’s funnier that way at least. I don’t want context. Sometimes people just lose their shit and start playing pinball with other automobiles. It happens. Kinda weird how he stuck around afterwards and was looking at the damage with the other people. Almost like he had gone blind with rage for whatever reason, smashed his car into the other car and then popped back to reality and was like, “Well what fucking moron did this?”. I love you, Russia. I really do. You guys can be assholes with backwards social logic but you’re our assholes with backwards social logic.
Fuck you dude. Get out of my state. Of course he’s from Texas. Probably brought that shit up here and I’ll be puking up blood outta my ass before Sunday. Just kidding there’s no way I’ll get it because I don’t ever leave my house but my other fellow Iowans better watch out. I know the license plate is a joke but for whatever reason my brain still can’t help but think this doesn’t help our cause of not getting it here. Only a matter of time before Ebola starts attacking all Barstool cities/states. KFC and NYC got it first and it’s slowly going to make it’s way West.
Everybody has an opinion on the Marlins fan who has been front and center throughout the World Series so far. Some people are annoyed by him because he’s dressed in bright orange and it’s distracting. Some people don’t care. Others are confused as to why there’s a guy decked out in Marlins gear during a Royals/Giants World Series. And some people just flat out hate him and think he’s an attention whore. For the most part I fell in the “don’t care” category. He’s not hurting anyone and he paid for those seats. Let him do what he wants. If you have the money you can do just about anything you want and that’s exactly what he’s doing. I loved the story of him rejecting the offer of a free suite from the Royals. That was awesome.
But now there’s this Twitter exchange and I’m ALL IN on Marlins guy. All in. Just doling out sage advice to people who want to have enough money to plop themselves behind home plate at World Series games. You thought it was some crazy complicated life goal and he just got lucky to be where he is? Nope. It’s actually pretty simple. Work hard and stay single. Perfect. That’s all it takes. Take notes, kids.
Golf Week- PGA of America president Ted Bishop used social media on Thursday to call out Ian Poulterfor comments Poulter made about Nick Faldo and Tom Watson in his new book, “No Limits,” which was released this week. Bishop referred to Poulter as a little girl on Twitter and Facebook in response to passages in Poulter’s book in which he questioned Watson’s decision-making during this year’s Ryder Cup and criticized Faldo for comments Faldo made about Sergio Garcia at Gleneagles. Bishop’s full Facebook post read, “Used to be athletes who had lesser records or accomplishments in a sport never criticized the icons. Tom Watson (8 majors and a 10-3-1 Ryder Cup record) and Nick Faldo (6 majors and all-time Ryder Cup points leader) get bashed by Ian James Poulter. Really? Sounds like a little school girl squealing during recess. C’MON MAN!”
So this happened yesterday. PGA President Ted Bishop calling Ian Poulter a “little girl” on Facebook and Twitter causing a fire storm. First things first, fuck Ian Poulter. The guy is a jackass through and through. Even before the comments he made about Nick Faldo he was a jackass. The biggest prick in golf and has the most punchable face on the planet. Seriously. He completely embodies Euro trash. I truly hate him. Second, I’m also mad at Ted Bishop for making the “lil girl” comment. Not mad like the PC Police (including Ian Poulter) who are saying shit like. “How dare you compare him to a girl! That’s demeaning to girls and women everywhere!” Maybe it is maybe it isn’t. I truly just don’t give a fuck about that. What I do give a fuck about is Bishop’s comments playing right into Poulter’s hand. The comments Poulter made about Faldo are from his new book he’s promoting. Imagine that! A guy says something shocking in a book he’s trying to sell? Never seen that before. That’s why Bishop’s comments were a stupid idea and why he shouldn’t have made them. Not because he compared Poulter’s behavior to a little girl and how that may or may not be offensive. But because it’s putting money directly into Poulter’s pocket. Bishop has to see that. Poulter couldn’t have dreamed for better publicity than this. Have the president of the PGA slam you about something you said in your new book that hits shelves this week? That’s like a dream come true for any book sales. The worst part is is that Poulter knew this would happen because he’s a snake like that. Slam a golf legend in your new book, get people riled up about the comments, have noteworthy people react in the media and watch the money roll in. Makes me fucking sick.
Listen, crazy white lady. It would be awesome to be Nicki Minaj. I get that. She drips sex, has a giant ass, every guy I know has probably jerked off to the Anaconda video at least 5(50) times and everybody loves her. She’s rich and famous and knows Drake. All cool things I suppose. But don’t sell yourself short here. You got a lot going for you. You’re a white woman. That’s a pretty great life hand to be dealt. It’s like that Louis CK bit. If being a white person was a subscription, we’d re-up every year. Every single year. All of us would. So I don’t want to hear any of that “I’m still white” with a disappointed tone. It should be “I’m still white!” Again, it would be cool to be Nicki. I get that. You just gotta be happy with what you have. And who knows, with all of the Ellen DeGeneres lobbying she did during that video I wouldn’t be shocked if Ellen actually brought her on the show. See! Things are looking up already! It’s good to be a drugged up white woman spewing nonsense after wisdom teeth surgery.
PS- Beyonce has to feel pretty bad if she watches this, right? Gotta feel like her days as Queen are numbered? You’d think she would be the pop singer all white girls from the suburbs want to be but nope. Not the case anymore. Beyonce is quickly becoming the old lady on the pop star music scene. She has a kid and she’s married. At some point it gets gross. But Nicki? She’s the hot new toy everybody wants to play with. Classic Woody-Buzz Lightyear scenario. Flashing that ass every chance she gets. Nicki’s sexual fastball is better than Beyonce’s at this point.
Double PS- I’d be PISSED if anyone ever filmed me in a drugged up state and posted it on YouTube. Super pissed. That might be the most terrifying thing ever honestly. You never know what you’re gonna say. Like yeah she was talking mostly gibberish and it was funny but the part where she’s talking about how her lips feel really big probably look like Jay Z’s? Kinda racist. Not really I guess but you just never know what you’re gonna say is the scary part. You have no control. I don’t think I’m racist but god only know what’s swimming around in my subconscious. Weird shit probably. Weird shit that would more than likely bubble to the surface if you put me on enough drugs. All I’m saying is I’d rather live with horrendous tooth pain for the rest of my life than risk going under and saying something super terrible and have it posted online.