LOOK OUT BELOW! And just like that, Wichita State beat Northern Iowa to win the Missouri Valley title. Alas. It was still awesome to see UNI play on the big stage on ESPN. They were getting SLAUGHTERED in the 2nd half by as much as 18. They roared back on a 12-0 run to bring it within as close as 4 at one point but then the Shockers pulled away again, capped off by that nasty windmill from Tekele Cotton. The only thing that would’ve saved UNI was if Ali Farokhmanesh came sprinting out of the tunnel and started dropping bombs on Wichita State. Didn’t happen.
I always feel the need to do this on any Game of Thrones blog. If you haven’t watched up through season 4 then don’t scroll. I know it’s just a poster and can’t be that spoilerific but I hate spoiling anything for anybody so this is just a common courtesy.
I don’t have much on this other than I’m sitting over here with a gigantic GOT boner right now. You can see it from space. I also don’t wanna spoil anything for anybody who clicked on this and hasn’t watched the show yet. But I will say this: DRAGONS! DRAGONS MOTHER FUCKERS! I got a fever and the only prescription is more dragons. Looks like season 5 is about to deliver that prescription to our doorsteps. Tomorrow is the first day of March and then it’s April and that’s when we have Game of Thrones back in our lives. Sundays are about to heat up real quick. Feels like its been 5 years since last season.
Elite Daily- An Indian spiritual guru-turned- movie-star allegedly convinced up to 400 men to castrate themselves because it would bring them closer to God. The Sydney Morning Herald reports the procedures are thought to have taken place around the year 2000, but victims are only coming forward after getting over initial fears of speaking out against the widely-beloved Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh, who has around 40 to 50 million followers worldwide. Known as “the guru in bling” and worth an estimated 40 million USD, Singh reportedly urged his followers that having their testicles removed would allow them to meet God and speak with Him directly. Witnesses of the castrations say they were conducted at a hospital owned by Singh’s spiritual organization. Several witnesses have agreed to testify in court, possibly putting an end to Singh’s history of avoiding conviction. He was charged with conspiracy involving the murder of an investigative journalist in 2002, and several female followers claim he sexually abused them. Singh was not jailed, however, supposedly thanks to politicians who believe his authority commands votes. The current case was brought upon by The Central Bureau of Investigation, which is India’s version of the FBI, and accuses Singh of grievous bodily harm.
Religion making all kinds of sense once again. Just kidding. You want me to drink stupid wine and pretend it’s some dude’s blood? Fine. You want me to eat a bread cracker and pretend it’s some guy’s body? Whatever, I’ll do it. I mean, not really. I won’t do it. I haven’t stepped inside a church in forever. But I know there are people out there willing to do some weird shit in the name of religion but you gotta draw the line somewhere. Pretty sure the drawing of that line starts at “Okay, now you gotta chop off your balls and it’ll give you a better chance at meeting God.” That last minor detail is the fucked up part. ”It’ll help you meet God.” No guarantees. It’ll just help your cause. Listen, if I’m gonna chop my balls off I better meet the fucking guy. Otherwise I’m not doing it. It’s a simple question. Yes or no? Yes, maybe I’d do it. No? Then I’m not doing it. My balls are staying attached to my body. Give me a straight answer one time, religion.
PS- Been a few stories about balls the last few days. There was the story about the Russian TV guy getting his balls stolen and now this. I was thinking about the guy who got his balls stolen (ha, gay!) and you know what one of the worst parts would be? Your friends not being able to make ball jokes anymore. Jokes like, “Grow a pair” and “NO BALLS!” would just become too mean. It seems like a small detail but thats the type of thing that ruins friendships.
CBS- Officials have identified the man shown in chilling hostage-beheading videos as Mohammed Emwazi, a Kuwait-born computer science graduate raised and educated in Britain. The Pirates were not happy to see him in their hat either, and released a statement saying: “The classic gold P stands for Pittsburgh and is worn by our players, coaches and fans with a great sense of pride. It is absolutely sickening to everyone within the Pirates organization, and to our great fans, to see this murderer wearing a Pirates cap in this old photo.” Emwazi, now in his mid-20s, had been known to the British intelligence services since at least 2009, initially in connection with investigations into terrorism in Somalia. His identification as the front man for IS murder videos has put pressure on British spies, who failed to stop him traveling to Syria, and raised questions about how a soccer-playing London youngster who liked smart clothes became one of the world’s most wanted men.
Phew. That was a close one. Glad we cleared that up. You just never know when an American professional baseball team may or may not be cool with ISIS. It could really go either way for all the teams. ISIS supporters or no? I’m gonna need a press release from all the teams saying they don’t support ISIS. No press release announcing that your team hates ISIS with a burning passion? Then we’re just gonna assume that they support ISIS and are funneling money to them. Sorry. That’s how things work in 2015. This all obviously stems from an old picture of that asshole Jihad John or whatever the fuck being released wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates hat. A PR nightmare for the Pirates I’m sure and that’s why they issued a statement. It is funny to think there are fans of other teams out here who saw that pictures and said, “Fucking Pirates. I knew. Goddamn terrorist supporters is what they are” so the Pirates felt the need to say something. Just another day on the internet.
PS- Now somebody find that piece of shit so we can slice his head off.
FWAP! There’s no coming back from that. That’s a day ruiner through and through. He just got publicly slapped by a robot. On the bright side, that’s the worst thing that can happen to him so his day is looking up. I like how the guy turned around looking for sympathy from anybody that saw and there wasn’t any. Nope. Just a guy filming him getting emasculated by an animatronic scarecrow. Any chance the dude was super turned on by that? I mean look at that place. Doesn’t exactly look like the place where the Ladies Man would hang out. Maybe he likes it a little rumble and tumble.