NOW EVERYBODY FROM THE 313 PUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN HANDS UP AND FOLLOW ME!
Why the random 8 Mile reference? Because the way I felt while watching Keith Olbermann tear down the court system, the NFL and Roger Goodell’s handling of the Ray Rice situation just now is the same way I felt the first time I watched B-Rabbit rip apart Papa Doc and Free World in the final battle scene of the movie. You wanna talk about ripping people to shreds. Jesus. He even went down the line and tore people a new one individually like B-Rabbit. The part where he called Roger Goodell an enabler of men who beat women is sure to get some run. Doesn’t matter if you agree with all of it or some of it or if you hate Olberman’s guts, you have to at least agree with parts of it. There’s two avenues this story can go and only one of them is true. Either Roger Goodell told the truth and hadn’t seen the elevator tape before today or he saw the tape a while back and still decided to only give Ray Rice a two game suspension. The former would show a gross negligence in getting all of the facts before making a ruling and the latter would show Roger Goodell is a monster and should step down effective immediately. One of those outcomes is true and they both depress the shit outta me.
The sobering part at the end is when he’s talking about a boycott. That’s the part where all of us start to feel like the assholes. Everything before that? I’m in on. I do think Roger Goodell should resign and anybody who (allegedly) covered this situation up needs to step down from their positions as well. But I’m sitting here writing this blog with Monday Night Football on in the background. That’s the kicker. The NFL has us all by the balls and we’ll watch almost no matter what. Even after watching Ray Rice gruesomely knock his then-fiancee-and-now-wife unconscious. Sigh.
Tough day for punters and kickers. First we had the Cleveland punter taking a foot to the face and now this. The Carolina kicker standing in a sea of band members getting no respect while he tries to warm up. And when I say “tough day for punters and kickers” I of course mean tougher than usual because on a good day they get called huge pussies by the rest of the football community and its fans.
PS- LOVE the saxophone player going HAM right in the kicker’s face at the end. Exactly how I pictured a saxophone player behaving.
IN THE FAAAAAAAAACE!
Like being a punter wasn’t already bad enough, here’s a face full of cleat.
Love it. Maybe the funniest GIF of all time. Just a couple of dudes talking smack about an ex-girlfriend. I believe the terminology is STOP THE FIGHT. Rory already won this break up a million times over and now he’s doing this. Rubbing salt in the wound and it’s fantastic to watch. It really is. You think Rory gives a fuck that the cameras caught him making fun of his ex-fiancee? Not a chance. Honestly I bet he waited until he knew the cameras were on him and then was like, “Hey Sergio, let’s do that thing where we make fun of that poor sap Wozniacki.” Absolutely relentless move from the guy who already has the world by the balls. Not only did Rory go on (and is still on) the best stretch of his career after the break up but now he’s making fun of Wozniacki. Part of me feels bad for Wozniacki at this point but then I really don’t. Rory’s World.
PS- Fucking Sergio. Such a squid. Just happy to be in on the joke with Rory even though he for sure hates Rory for winning everything instead of him.
Jason Dufner stays winning. Simple as that. Even when he’s sidelined by injury his life is still the best life in the world. Daddy Duf can look out his window and see his SMOKE wife catching rays next to the pool, toss in a dip and remember, “Oh yeah. I’m…..I’m hittin’ that.” The rule, as always, is it’s great to be Jason Dufner/to be a rich fat guy with money because you can land a hot wife no matter what you look like.
Down goes the golf volunteer! Looked like he got hit by a sniper sitting in the gallery. No way he didn’t break his face into a million pieces. No way no how. Face plant city. The reaction from the crowd was priceless. ”OHhhhhhhh that guy might need facial reconstruction surgery/be dead” Classic. Nothing ruins a peaceful Saturday of volunteering at a golf tournament faster than running your face into the ground at full speed on national TV.
Ya know, some times life just isn’t fair. It isn’t fair at all. One second everything is fine but then the next second your nanny’s flight gets downgraded and your wife is stuck with 4 kids all by herself. What kind of world are we living in when a Mom has to be spend 10 hours with her own 4 kids without a nanny? I don’t know what kind of world it is but I know it’s one I don’t wanna live in it. Thoughts and prayers to Ian and his family. Stay strong guys. For us.
Daily Mail- A newlywed husband divorced his wife before they could even consummate their marriage after her ex sent him compromising photos of her. The couple had been wed only hours when the groom was passed a memory stick containing the pictures hidden in a bouquet of flowers. A note told him to look at the contents of the device and, when he did, he found the photographs of his new wife, laid bare and in intimate circumstances. ‘It was truly the shock of his life and he could not bear the scandal.’ Sheikh al-Shammari said the bride’s former lover had days earlier tried to blackmail her into staying with him, threating to reveal their relationship if she refused. She told him to get lost, telling him she was to be married and that she wanted to start a new life, become a mother and raise a family. But her scheming ex-partner found out where the marriage was to be held, bought the bouquet and concealed the memory stick with her pictures inside.
First of all, that’s some James Bond blackmail shit there. Showing up to your ex-girlfirend’s wedding with a memory stick of naked pictures of her is psycho enough. But then to put said memory stick into a bouquet of flowers and have it given to the groom is full blown serial killer/I have bodies in my basement shit.
Second, and this is the important part, does anybody else see this as a problem going forward? Because you should. This wasn’t the first case of a chick busting it open for her ex, getting pictures taken/making a sex tape and then having that shown to a future boyfriend (or in this case, husband) and having it blow up in their face. In the past, before cell phone cameras and the internet, people would have past relationships that would go undocumented. No harm no foul. Well not any more. That night your girlfriend got wild and crazy with her boyfriend a few years ago are out there. And what’s the last thing any guy wants to see? Exactly. His girlfriend getting wild and crazy with her ex-boyfriend. Weddings in the social media/every-phone-is-a-camera era should be interesting.
Think about it this way. Political races in the future are going to be a fucking shit show. You think political mud slinging is bad now? We haven’t seen anything yet. Just wait until the Twitter generation of YouTube commentors and bloggers grow up and start running for office. People’s political opponents will be like, “Remember that one time you commented on a Miley Cyrus music video with ‘She’s such a basic bitch #TurnDown4What’? Explain to those in attendance what you meant by that.” And so on and so forth. That shit never goes away. If I tried to get into politics at one point in the future (never would, too smart) I’d get thrown out immediately as the Camel Toe Congressman. It’s the same with relationships. Getting crazy one night, taking pictures and then all of the sudden those pictures show up years down the line in your husband’s bouquet of flowers on your wedding night. The future is going to be a fucking weird place.