Earlier we had this
And now we have this
Alright so now it’s starting to make a little more sense. This guy just loves Iowa football coaches. Plain and simple. You get hired to lead the Hawkeyes into battle at Kinnick Stadium, you have a spot reserved on this guy’s body. Your face is going somewhere. Doesn’t matter who you are, you’re in. If Iowa had 10 coaches during this guy’s lifetime than he’d have 10 different tattoos. It just so happens that Iowa has only had two coaches over the last 35 years so he only has two tattoos. I dig it. I was skeptical when there was only a Kirk tattoo but now there’s a theme. Good for him. The guy’s sock game could use a little help.
PS- The Kirk tattoo, the way it looks, is ehhhhhhh at best. The Hayden Fry tattoo though? A+++++. That thing looks awesome.
NOW EVERYBODY FROM THE 313 PUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN HANDS UP AND FOLLOW ME!
Why the random 8 Mile reference? Because the way I felt while watching Keith Olbermann tear down the court system, the NFL and Roger Goodell’s handling of the Ray Rice situation just now is the same way I felt the first time I watched B-Rabbit rip apart Papa Doc and Free World in the final battle scene of the movie. You wanna talk about ripping people to shreds. Jesus. He even went down the line and tore people a new one individually like B-Rabbit. The part where he called Roger Goodell an enabler of men who beat women is sure to get some run. Doesn’t matter if you agree with all of it or some of it or if you hate Olberman’s guts, you have to at least agree with parts of it. There’s two avenues this story can go and only one of them is true. Either Roger Goodell told the truth and hadn’t seen the elevator tape before today or he saw the tape a while back and still decided to only give Ray Rice a two game suspension. The former would show a gross negligence in getting all of the facts before making a ruling and the latter would show Roger Goodell is a monster and should step down effective immediately. One of those outcomes is true and they both depress the shit outta me.
The sobering part at the end is when he’s talking about a boycott. That’s the part where all of us start to feel like the assholes. Everything before that? I’m in on. I do think Roger Goodell should resign and anybody who (allegedly) covered this situation up needs to step down from their positions as well. But I’m sitting here writing this blog with Monday Night Football on in the background. That’s the kicker. The NFL has us all by the balls and we’ll watch almost no matter what. Even after watching Ray Rice gruesomely knock his then-fiancee-and-now-wife unconscious. Sigh.
Before anybody says anything, yes I know that’s a computer generated image. Second, HATE WEEK IS HERE. The week of the year leading up to the football game between Iowa and Iowa State. The biggest and most important sporting event in the whole state by a mile. Where Iowans trek from far and wide, wake up early to drink their faces off in either Ames or Iowa City, talk shit to one another, probably punch each other in the face and root for which ever team your loyalty falls. It’s in Iowa City this year at Kinnick Stadium and it’s a 2:30 kickoff which means it’s going to be the best day of the year. 2:30 kick offs are great in general because it leaves more time for socially accepted morning/day drinking. Then throw in the fact that it’s against the Cyclones and it has all of the makings of a shit show in Iowa City. I know I’ll be down on Melrose bright and early on Saturday, drunk as a skunk and being an all around Hawk-loving train wreck.
This is the game the entire state gets up for. Winner takes the Cy-Hawk trophy. Doesn’t matter what part of Iowa you’re from. You’re either a Hakweye fan or a piece of shit Cyclone fan. It’s one or the other. Either you were raised correctly and having loving parents and sport the black and gold every Saturday, or your parents didn’t love you enough/beat you on a regular basis and you walk around like an idiot wearing Cyclone colors. Thems is the rules. No hate burns hotter in my heart than the hate I have for the Cyclones and their fans. But it also doesn’t matter that Iowa is 2-0 and Iowa State is 0-2. Records go completely out the window during a rivalry game like this. I honestly can’t fucking wait for Saturday to get here.
I’m not a huge gambler but from a gambling perspective, I saw that Iowa opened up as a 15.5 favorites which is pure insanity. It’s already been knocked down to 13 in some places and my guess is that it’ll settle somewhere around 11. Still, I love the Hawkeyes as much as the next guy but there’s no way this game is decided by anything more than a touchdown. That’s not how these games go. I’m not going to bet on the Cyclones because I’m better than that but if you like money I’d jump onto ISU +11 if that’s what it ends up being.
PS- My first memory of going to an Iowa/Iowa State game in Iowa City as a kid I remember seeing a guy wearing a black and yellow shirt that simply said “State Swallows” on the front and having no idea what it meant at the time. Looking back, it’s the coolest shirt in the history of shirts and I want one but can’t find it anywhere.
IN THE FAAAAAAAAACE!
Like being a punter wasn’t already bad enough, here’s a face full of cleat.
Love it. Maybe the funniest GIF of all time. Just a couple of dudes talking smack about an ex-girlfriend. I believe the terminology is STOP THE FIGHT. Rory already won this break up a million times over and now he’s doing this. Rubbing salt in the wound and it’s fantastic to watch. It really is. You think Rory gives a fuck that the cameras caught him making fun of his ex-fiancee? Not a chance. Honestly I bet he waited until he knew the cameras were on him and then was like, “Hey Sergio, let’s do that thing where we make fun of that poor sap Wozniacki.” Absolutely relentless move from the guy who already has the world by the balls. Not only did Rory go on (and is still on) the best stretch of his career after the break up but now he’s making fun of Wozniacki. Part of me feels bad for Wozniacki at this point but then I really don’t. Rory’s World.
PS- Fucking Sergio. Such a squid. Just happy to be in on the joke with Rory even though he for sure hates Rory for winning everything instead of him.
SI- The developers of Madden 15 apparently didn’t work out all of the bugs in this year’s game. Last week we showed you the glitch which sent a lineman hurtling skyward. Today we have an isty bitsy linebacker. Aww, look how cute and little he is. This is apparently a pretty common glitch. Several users have reported the same problem with the “Madden Solo Challenge” when playing as Christian Kirksey, a rookie linebacker from Iowa who is not actually as undersized as Madden would lead you to believe.
Well what the hell is this shit? Apparently one of the glitches in the new Madden game is that former Iowa linebacker Christian Kirksey is really really small. Listed at 1 foot 2 inches. The first glitch we saw was dudes getting tossed way up into the air and now this. Disrespecting a former Iowa Hawkeye by making the size of the Indian In The Cupboard. And why is Kirksey on the Titans in the new Madden game? He plays for the Cleveland Browns. He’s actually been one of their (if not the) stand out rookie for them on defense during the preseason. Not bad for a third rough draft pick. And this is how he’s repaid? By looking like an action figure out on the field. The whole thing is very confusing and total bull shit. Somebody get the people at EA on the phone and make Christian normal-sized right now. Seriously though, why is he playing for the Titans in all of the screen shots I’ve seen of Tiny Christian Kirksey? That might be the most dumbfounding thing. Well besides the part where he’s 1/1,000,000,0000 the size of the other players.
PS- I’d be lying if I didn’t laugh at that Vine where the quarterback hurdles Tiny Kirksey and then Tiny Kirksey gets leveled by his own guy. Absolutely absurd and hilarious.
Never a doubt! And of course by that I mean doubts all over the place but the Hawks still pulled out the first win of the year over Northern Iowa. It was PAINFULLY clear that the secondary is going to be an issue for the inexperienced linebackers and safeties. Northern Iowa hit home run after a home run down the heart of the field and burned Iowa repeatedly. Everybody looked completely and totally lost at times. Despite that, the Hawks looked pretty good. Jake Rudock had a good day. Didn’t throw any picks and had a couple of touchdowns including a beautiful one-handed catch by Tevaun Smith. The defensive line looked solid as expected. All in all, not bad. But seriously, if our secondary can’t cover Northern fucking Iowa we’re in for a long season. But hey, 1-0! Still undefeated. Can’t complain too much about that. #HawkeyeNation
Let’s take a look at that one-handed Tevaun Smith touchdown. A beauty.
Yeah! Football! Tomorrow! The return of all things Iowa Hawkeyes tomorrow. I already posted the pump up video earlier today and now let’s take a closer look at the defense that’ll be steam rolling teams throughout the season.
PS- The most underrated part of the season returning? The return of Gary Dolphin.
We’ve come a long way in a short amount of time. Just a few years ago the talent in this unit was near the bottom of the Big Ten. These days Iowa boasts one of the top defensive tackles in the country in 300 LB Carl Davis who CBSSports.com has as the #2 senior defensive tackle in next years draft and the prototypical workhorse in Louis Trinca-Pasat playing next to him. This unit will prove to be one of the top forces in the conference this year, if not the country. The depth of the interior line took a little bit of a hit this week with the announcement that Darian Cooper would be missing this season due to shoulder surgery. But fortunately this is one of the positions Iowa can afford an injury. Look for Jaleel Johnson, Nate Bazata, and Faith Ekakite to provide big contributions and a glimpse into the future for this unit. On the edges Iowa lacks an elite pass rusher just like they have in the past few years. Drew Ott is a good athlete who plays with a chip on his shoulder and a “won’t take shit from anybody attitude” If you had a “Who would I not want to fight on this team” list… Scherff is obviously #1 but Ott might be #1A. It has to be noted that he was the 2014 Solon Hay Bay Toss champion unseating former Hawkeye and New York Jet Matt Kroul’s reign of dominance. The wildcard on this unit is Nate Meier. Meier played 8-man football in high school and his style of play was likened to a “Bear loose in a children’s zoo” by the CR Gazette’s Marc Morehouse.
Biggest question mark on the whole team. Replacing three all conference caliber players in one season is going to be tough even if you have a roster full of blue chip recruits. Iowa will be filling those three spots with a 5th year senior a 17-year-old freshman and a walk-on. On the surface that sounds pretty fucking terrible, and the more I read it the worse it sounds, but Quinton Alston the senior would have started for plenty of teams last year. He just had the bad luck of being behind All Big 10 James Morris for three years. There are people around the program who felt that Alston was the better option at MLB last year so we will see what happens. 17 year old Reggie Spearman has the weakside backer position this fall, he, like Nate Meier, saw a lot of time on Iowa’s blitz packages last fall and is looking to take that experience into a full time role. The strong-side will see a pair of walk-ons splitting snaps come Saturday, Travis Perry and Bo Bower will look to continue Iowa’s tradition of walk on success stories, both have made significant strides since coming on to campus. Perry is a senior who is a great story. His Dad is overseas serving our great country in Iraq. Bower is from West Branch. He could’ve taken a scholarship with some smaller programs but chose to walk on with the Hawks and his gamble has paid off. He already earned a scholarship in his first camp and listed as a co-starter with the senior Perry. Look for young guys Ben Niemann and Josey Jewell to see some time early in the season and on special teams . Depth is an issue with this unit and a significant injury could have a real big effect on how the season goes.
As the biggest fan of The Wire on the planet I want “You come at the King you best not miss” shirts to become a thing because sophomore corner Desmond King is the real deal. He’ll be tasked with locking down everybody’s number one. And if last year is any indication he’s more than up to the task of taking on every team on this schedule’s number one wide receiver. The second corner spot is still up for grabs but it looks like it’s going to former receiver Greg Mabin. Mabin showed enough in camp to leapfrog Maurice Fleming. Both Fleming and Mabin have elite speed so Mabin’s ability to transition to a new position and grab a starting spot says a shit ton about his athleticism. Iowa’s deep with talent at the corner position but that talent is short on experience. If King were to miss a couple snaps look for opposing offensives to challenge the young guys deep. The strong safety postion sees a familiar face in John Lowdermilk return, fan favorite Nico Law chose to leave the team in the offseason which killed any chance of a controversy. But this job was Lowdermilk’s to lose no matter what. Forgetting his boneheaded dropping of an INT return at the one yard-line in the Outback Bowl Lowdermilk played well for his first season as a starter. He’s a big safety and isn’t afraid to come up and support the run. His experience will be vital to getting a young back seven in position play in and play out. Jordan Lomax was moved to the free safety spot to spark competition this spring and never let this spot go. Lomax was a lock to be the starting corner opposite King this fall so Lomax’s move speaks to two things: 1) The coaches are comfortable with the depth of talent at the corner position 2) Lomax has too much talent to keep off the field. Iowa’s safeties aren’t asked to do extradorinary things athletically. They’re traditionally smart players who are always in the right spot to make a play (Looking at you, Tyler Sash). Lomax brings a level of athleticism to the position that Iowa hasn’t had in recent years and will be fun to watch develop. One to watch: Miles Taylor. Taylor was a late flip from Georgia Tech and will see significant time on special teams this fall. Iowa traditionally defaults to redshirting freshman unless they show them something in camp, Taylor appears to have done that and more and could see some time in the early season if the offense is hitting on all cylinders.
Kicker: Just make the damn kick.
Punter: Just don’t get it blocked.
Kick Returns: Iowa’s depth at running back has allowed them to put speedster Jordan Canzeri back to return kicks, look for him to make more than one explosive play this fall. Also keep an eye out for young Akrum Wadley who could spell Canzeri late in games early in the year.
Punt Returns: See Kevonte Martin Manley vs. Western Michigan …. Enough said.