Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This comes after a call right before half time during their game against Oklahoma State went against them. Fucking Iowa State. I’m not sure I can properly explain to you how perfect that video is. It’s PERFECT. It’s perfect because it embodies everything about Iowa State athletics and it’s fans. Something doesn’t go their way? They instantly blames the refs. No questions asked. It’s never their fault. It’s always the fault of something that’s out of their control. Up until this point I thought it was all head coach Paul Rhoads and the Cyclone fan base who carried the Cry Baby torch. Turns out it’s an institution-wide problem that starts at the top. The fact that the AD of a major college university thought it’d be a good idea to make public comments about how his school is supposedly being treated unfairly is hilarious to me. Bro, this isn’t going to do anything but make you look like a cry baby bitch. And that’s exactly what it did. The only thing it’s going to do is make you look bad and make your wallet lighter. Big, slobbering, snot-covered cry babies. That’s what Iowa State sports fans and their administrators are.
I have a suggestion. Be better. You know what helps when you think you’re getting treated unfairly? Winning. Winning solves everything. If you don’t fucking suck at the sport you’re playing then the “missed calls” by the officials don’t get magnified. It’s as simple as that. Instead of expressing their anger outwards they should look inward and try to have a better team. They got killed by Oklahoma State today and the overturned call wasn’t going to change that. Fun fact: Paul Rhoads makes almost $2 million a year.
PS- They didn’t show it but I wonder what Pauld Rhoads said when he stepped to the mic after the AD. All Rhoads does is bitch about the refs and AD Jamie Pollard stole everything he was probably gonna say. My guess is he was like, “Yeah! What he said!” and then scurried away.
TMZ- Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher just wrapped up their newest production — in diapers — Mila has given birth to a baby girl … TMZ has learned. Sources close to Mila’s womb tell us … Mila delivered Tuesday night at Cedars-Sinai — the hospital of choice for many celebrities. We’re told they arrived at the hospital Tuesday around 6 A.M. … and were taken right to a delivery room. They came by themselves — no entourage, no family. Sources tell us Mila delivered right on schedule … and delivered right around the Jewish New Year. Mazel Tov!
It happened! It really happened! Of course it was going to happen eventually but The Royal Couple finally gave birth to their princess daughter yesterday it sounds like. I doubt she weighed 14 pounds but we all can’t be perfect. I haven’t seen a name yet but it’ll no doubt be awesome. How could it not be? What a day. What a goddamn day. How lucky is that baby? Being born to a smoking hot Mom who was in Ted and an Iowan. It doesn’t get much better than that. Not to mention this little princess will have the run of Iowa whenever she wants to. She’ll come back, we’ll roll out the red carpet, sound the horns, throw rose peddles at her feet and we’ll all get drunk with Ashton and Mila while the little princess is watched by her grandparents. Show her just how awesome Iowa is. Maybe bring her to Kinnick and present her at mid field to 70,000 Iowans. It’ll be a joyous occasion. And I’m sure it’s no coincidence that she was born right after the video of Ashton talking up Iowa started making the rounds again. It all makes sense now. I feel like the only move for Ashton and Mila at this point is to move back to Iowa so the baby can grow up in a solid environment. You don’t wanna raise your kid in California where the schools suck and the people suck. Raise her here and she’ll be a genius with solid morals. Not to mention how much richer Ashton and Mila and the baby would be here rather than out there. In Hollywood, they’re just another couple with another big house. But here? They’d be one of the richest with the biggest house. It’s practical is all I’m saying. And don’t worry about being hassled by Iowans all the time, we’ll respect your privacy. Bring that baby back to the homeland! Oh and congrats you two love birds.
PS- I think I wrote this in an early Mila pregnancy blog but I’ll throw my hat in the Godfather candidate ring again. I’m a stand up, trustworthy guy for the most part. I like drinking but, hey, who doesn’t. No, I’ve never met Ashton or Mila but those are what we like to call minor details.
So I looked into this video and it says it’s from 2009 but people are talking about it now for some reason? I’ve seen it just about everywhere in terms of Iowa people on Twitter. I have no idea what the video is from. Well since Barstool Iowa wasn’t here in 2009 we’ll look at it now anyway. 2009 or 2014, it doesn’t matter. All of the things Ashton says there is true. He summed it up perfectly in 68 seconds. Growing up in Iowa is awesome, being from here is awesome, if you’re from here you’re more awesome than people who aren’t from here, we’re more than just corn, we work harder than everybody, we’re the nicest people in the world, other places are a lot shittier than Iowa. Boom, nailed it. Short and sweet. Alright so, he didn’t say those things exactly but I’m a pro at reading between the lines and that’s what he meant. Gotta love a guy who has a millions of dollars in the bank and doesn’t forget where he came from. Oh and my Mom also does the thing where when I visit she tries to fix my collar and all that. Well she’s not fixing my collar as much as she’s trying to strangle me because I came sprinting out of her womb 25 years ago and weighed 14 pounds.
I wasn’t born at Mercy hospital but I was born at the hospital right next to Mercy. Was he trying to say we should be best friends? I kinda think so. If he was, Ashton and super pregnant Mila Kunis have an open invite to come hang with me and my pals when they come back for Thanksgiving. We’ll paint the town red. We’ll hit some old spots, get drunk (only water for Mila of course LOL) and talk about how awesome it is being from Cedar Rapids. Good talk, see ya out there.
PS- That camera was SUPER close to Ashton’s face. It’s okay though because all Cedar Rapidians look good on camera (myself included) so whatever.
Earlier we had this
And now we have this
Alright so now it’s starting to make a little more sense. This guy just loves Iowa football coaches. Plain and simple. You get hired to lead the Hawkeyes into battle at Kinnick Stadium, you have a spot reserved on this guy’s body. Your face is going somewhere. Doesn’t matter who you are, you’re in. If Iowa had 10 coaches during this guy’s lifetime than he’d have 10 different tattoos. It just so happens that Iowa has only had two coaches over the last 35 years so he only has two tattoos. I dig it. I was skeptical when there was only a Kirk tattoo but now there’s a theme. Good for him. The guy’s sock game could use a little help.
PS- The Kirk tattoo, the way it looks, is ehhhhhhh at best. The Hayden Fry tattoo though? A+++++. That thing looks awesome.
NOW EVERYBODY FROM THE 313 PUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN HANDS UP AND FOLLOW ME!
Why the random 8 Mile reference? Because the way I felt while watching Keith Olbermann tear down the court system, the NFL and Roger Goodell’s handling of the Ray Rice situation just now is the same way I felt the first time I watched B-Rabbit rip apart Papa Doc and Free World in the final battle scene of the movie. You wanna talk about ripping people to shreds. Jesus. He even went down the line and tore people a new one individually like B-Rabbit. The part where he called Roger Goodell an enabler of men who beat women is sure to get some run. Doesn’t matter if you agree with all of it or some of it or if you hate Olberman’s guts, you have to at least agree with parts of it. There’s two avenues this story can go and only one of them is true. Either Roger Goodell told the truth and hadn’t seen the elevator tape before today or he saw the tape a while back and still decided to only give Ray Rice a two game suspension. The former would show a gross negligence in getting all of the facts before making a ruling and the latter would show Roger Goodell is a monster and should step down effective immediately. One of those outcomes is true and they both depress the shit outta me.
The sobering part at the end is when he’s talking about a boycott. That’s the part where all of us start to feel like the assholes. Everything before that? I’m in on. I do think Roger Goodell should resign and anybody who (allegedly) covered this situation up needs to step down from their positions as well. But I’m sitting here writing this blog with Monday Night Football on in the background. That’s the kicker. The NFL has us all by the balls and we’ll watch almost no matter what. Even after watching Ray Rice gruesomely knock his then-fiancee-and-now-wife unconscious. Sigh.
Before anybody says anything, yes I know that’s a computer generated image. Second, HATE WEEK IS HERE. The week of the year leading up to the football game between Iowa and Iowa State. The biggest and most important sporting event in the whole state by a mile. Where Iowans trek from far and wide, wake up early to drink their faces off in either Ames or Iowa City, talk shit to one another, probably punch each other in the face and root for which ever team your loyalty falls. It’s in Iowa City this year at Kinnick Stadium and it’s a 2:30 kickoff which means it’s going to be the best day of the year. 2:30 kick offs are great in general because it leaves more time for socially accepted morning/day drinking. Then throw in the fact that it’s against the Cyclones and it has all of the makings of a shit show in Iowa City. I know I’ll be down on Melrose bright and early on Saturday, drunk as a skunk and being an all around Hawk-loving train wreck.
This is the game the entire state gets up for. Winner takes the Cy-Hawk trophy. Doesn’t matter what part of Iowa you’re from. You’re either a Hakweye fan or a piece of shit Cyclone fan. It’s one or the other. Either you were raised correctly and having loving parents and sport the black and gold every Saturday, or your parents didn’t love you enough/beat you on a regular basis and you walk around like an idiot wearing Cyclone colors. Thems is the rules. No hate burns hotter in my heart than the hate I have for the Cyclones and their fans. But it also doesn’t matter that Iowa is 2-0 and Iowa State is 0-2. Records go completely out the window during a rivalry game like this. I honestly can’t fucking wait for Saturday to get here.
I’m not a huge gambler but from a gambling perspective, I saw that Iowa opened up as a 15.5 favorites which is pure insanity. It’s already been knocked down to 13 in some places and my guess is that it’ll settle somewhere around 11. Still, I love the Hawkeyes as much as the next guy but there’s no way this game is decided by anything more than a touchdown. That’s not how these games go. I’m not going to bet on the Cyclones because I’m better than that but if you like money I’d jump onto ISU +11 if that’s what it ends up being.
PS- My first memory of going to an Iowa/Iowa State game in Iowa City as a kid I remember seeing a guy wearing a black and yellow shirt that simply said “State Swallows” on the front and having no idea what it meant at the time. Looking back, it’s the coolest shirt in the history of shirts and I want one but can’t find it anywhere.
IN THE FAAAAAAAAACE!
Like being a punter wasn’t already bad enough, here’s a face full of cleat.
Love it. Maybe the funniest GIF of all time. Just a couple of dudes talking smack about an ex-girlfriend. I believe the terminology is STOP THE FIGHT. Rory already won this break up a million times over and now he’s doing this. Rubbing salt in the wound and it’s fantastic to watch. It really is. You think Rory gives a fuck that the cameras caught him making fun of his ex-fiancee? Not a chance. Honestly I bet he waited until he knew the cameras were on him and then was like, “Hey Sergio, let’s do that thing where we make fun of that poor sap Wozniacki.” Absolutely relentless move from the guy who already has the world by the balls. Not only did Rory go on (and is still on) the best stretch of his career after the break up but now he’s making fun of Wozniacki. Part of me feels bad for Wozniacki at this point but then I really don’t. Rory’s World.
PS- Fucking Sergio. Such a squid. Just happy to be in on the joke with Rory even though he for sure hates Rory for winning everything instead of him.