Fuck yeah college football. It’s right around the corner. Saturday’s full of it is so close we can taste it. Tailgating, socially acceptable morning drinking and Iowa winning a whole bunch of games is upon us. Brandon Schreff is going to be a large factor of that last part. All-Big Ten lineman last season and first round NFL prospect will soon replace those weights with the dead carcasses of opposing defensive lineman as he tosses them to the side like rag dolls. I can’t fucking wait. And yes, we’re to the point now where we’re whetting our appetites for football by watching a beast of a man throw around 443 pound hang cleans like it’s nothing. I’m okay with it.
Des Moines Register- There will be plenty of time for partying around Kinnick Stadium before this season’s Cy-Hawk football showdown on Sept. 13 in Iowa City. The game starts at 2:30 p.m., according to the Big Ten Conference. The last three games in the series have been decided by six points or less – Iowa State won 44-41 in three overtimes in 2011 at Jack Trice Stadium, the Cyclones won 9-6 in 2012 in Iowa CIty, and the Hawkeyes won 27-21 last season in Ames. This season’s game will be televised by either ABC, ESPN or ESPN2.
Yeahhhhhh buddy! This year’s battle for the Cy-Hawk trophy has its official starting time. One of the drunkest days of the year in the state of Iowa just got kicked up a few notches with it being a 2:30pm kick off. 11am kick offs are nice but to tailgate for those you have to get up super super early and sometimes that’s difficult because you went hard the night before. You still fight through the pain to do it but it can be a hassle. But a 2:30pm kickoff? Those are perfect. You don’t necessarily have to get up before the sun rises and you can still get to whatever tailgate on Melrose you want with more than enough time to drink your face off before heading to Kinnick or to a bar to watch the game. Factor in that it’s Iowa/Iowa State and Iowa City is going to be one big shit show that day. Another positive of a 2:30pm kick off is if you’re feeling spry once the game ends you have the option to just push on and booze until bar close. You’re already drunk and out about already anyway.
I need college football season to be here and I needed it yesterday. It’s been around 60 degrees here for the last few days and that screams football weather. Mark your calendars. September 13th at 2:30pm. Kinnick Stadium.
So Nate just did a blog about what if NBA players had to return home and what their starting five would look like. Curiously, Iowa was left off the list. The level of disrespect is gross. It could be because Iowa doesn’t have an NBA team but that can’t be it. The only reasonable explanation is because the team would be too fucking good and everybody’s scared of us. I mean look at that line up. Did Iowa just win the NBA Finals and not even have a horse in the race? I think we did. So much hustle out there on the court. Which of course is analyst speak for “Holy shit that’s a lot of white guys.” That backcourt is flat out deadly. Korver dropping bombs, Hinrich being the fearless leader he was born to be and Barnes cutting through the lane and dunking on people’s faces. We’re a little on the small side in the paint but the downside of that is greatly diminished when you have a glue guy like Collison and a dynamic scorer like McBuckets. Collison’s role as the glue guy can’t get lost in the shuffle. He’s our X-Factor. All in all, if I had to rank Iowa’s squad against the rest of the Barstool squads, we’re an easy #1. Us against the world, as usual. The Iowa Cornstalks are ready when it happens.
Oh and you don’t have to tell me I’m a master with Paint. I already know.
Well would you look at that. Iowans taking their talents east and making their way in the big city. There’s two trains of thought when you grow up here and have to decide your future. There’s “I’m getting the fuck outta here as soon as I’m able and moving to a big city. There’s nothing to do here and no opportunities and I want to be a model.” Or there’s “This place isn’t so bad. It’s actually pretty great. Just gotta look in the right places. It has the essentials. Beer, college football, chicks, food, my dog and cheap rent. And hell, who knows. Maybe one day the impossible will happen and I’ll have an e-mail from David Portnoy sitting in my inbox.” This chick right here is clearly the former (maybe not the model part but maybe. Need to see her face to determine that). At one point she threw up her hands and decided to go for it. Good for her. It’s nice to see she never lost her roots and wanted to show the world she’s from here.
Let’s rate that bad boy.
Rate 1 for Best Tattoo Ever or Rate 10 for Best Tattoo Ever
More Tim Howard! I can’t get enough Tim Howard right now. In the same way Bruce Dickinson needed more cowbell, I need more Tim Howard. His neck beard, his love for Public Enemy, his new found status as an American hero. Love all of it. I wish there was a way for him to stay relevant until the next World Cup rolls around. Since we all know that’s not possible, let’s enjoy it while he is relevant. The internet did what the internet does and made Howard into his own meme.
Here are some of the best ones.
PS- The one where he’s saving Chubbs from falling out of the window obviously wins. I really wish that could’ve happened. RIP Chubbs.
So this is sort of a developing story right now. Serena and Venus Williams had to pull out of their doubles match at Wimbledon because Serena fell ill/could barely stand/was super hammered. I’m not saying she was hammered but I am saying it’s too early to rule it out. She was dizzy, wobbly and disoriented. What are those side effects of? Booze. I’ll say this, she doesn’t look in great condition in those gifs. Stumbling around and being unable to pick up a ball is going to hinder your performance on the tennis court. If she is drunk, good for her. I can’t say I blame her. It’s the week of 4th of July weekend and I’ve been thinking about beers ever since I went to bed on Sunday night. Couple that with everyone talking about going to the bar to watch USA/Belgium and I’m saying Serena dipped into the sauce a little early. There’s reports that she couldn’t even see the ball when they were playing. Yikes.
This gif is my favorite because it looks like me when I’m playing tennis. Right up next to the net (trying to smother the opponent, duh) and I still can’t get it over. I’m terrible at tennis amongst a lot of other things.
PS- If it turns out that Serena is just super duper sick with some bad illness, whoops.
Fantastic. So this is the new thing that’s hot in the internet streets I guess? Get on live TV, get interviewed and yell “Fuck her right in the pussy!” and make the reporter SUPER uncomfortable. Live TV giveth and Live TV taketh away. You can tell his friends can’t believe he actually did but he saw the golden opportunity and made the most of it. He’ll have this memory forever and that’s what it’s really all about. I love the move. No better way to celebrate your team’s victory than carrying the torch and becoming internet famous. Keep the “Fuck her right in the pussy!” train rolling!