Fuck yeah college football. It’s right around the corner. Saturday’s full of it is so close we can taste it. Tailgating, socially acceptable morning drinking and Iowa winning a whole bunch of games is upon us. Brandon Schreff is going to be a large factor of that last part. All-Big Ten lineman last season and first round NFL prospect will soon replace those weights with the dead carcasses of opposing defensive lineman as he tosses them to the side like rag dolls. I can’t fucking wait. And yes, we’re to the point now where we’re whetting our appetites for football by watching a beast of a man throw around 443 pound hang cleans like it’s nothing. I’m okay with it.
Yikes. Here’s a harsh lesson in proof reading your tweets before sending them out. Especially when the tweet is regarding a horrific tragedy that recently took place. But hey, when you have 3.54 million followers who’s going to notice a little blip like this? So you phrased a tweet that made it seem like the plane carrying bodies from a plane crash also crashed, what’s the big deal? Everybody. Everybody notices. The irony is that this is such a sensitive topic (for good reason, obviously) the guy running the AP Twitter account probably stared at that tweet for a solid 20 minutes to make sure it was okay before sending it out. You try so hard to avoid saying the wrong thing and then that’s exactly what ends up happening.
There ya go.
Mirror- A Canadian iceberg whose profile physically resembles that of superhero Batman has emerged online. The iceberg resembles Batman wearing his pointed cowl as he stares out at the water, with rocks in the background. Mike Parsons shared the photo on the ‘Growing Up in Newfoundland’ Facebook page, Buzzfeed points out. Parson’s caption says the image was taken in Little Bay Islands. Fellow group members reacted to the photo, and wrote ‘Wow,’ ‘double WOW,’ and ‘Crazy wow,’ to name a few. Parsons, of Round Lake, Ontario, is an active participant in the group and has recently uploaded multiple photos of the scenery in Little Bay Islands, which he lists as his hometown on Facebook.
Just when I think the world is a whirling dervish of random events that have nothing to do with one another something like this comes alongs to remind me I have no fucking clue what’s going on. That in itself makes no sense because whenever somebody sees the face of Jesus in their bagel or in the clouds or in a piece of shit they launched into a toliet, I’m quick to write it off as nothing more than a coincidence. It’s hard not to. Jesus seems to appear every other day now. He can’t stop won’t stop showing up in weird food products. Do less, Jesus. But a Canadian iceberg that looks a whole hell of a lot like Batman? For whatever reason I’m telling myself on this Wednesday morning that’s not there by accident. I’m not saying somebody carved Batman’s face into that iceberg. That’d be totally lame. I’m saying a greater power was such a big fan of The Dark Knight (I mean how could you not be? Such a great movie. The Joker? Ridiculously awesome) he wanted to show his appreciation in the form of a large chunk of ice that looks like the main character. That’s all. Ask me tomorrow and there’s a good chance I’ll just saying it’s just a piece of fucking ice.
Happy Wednesday. Enjoy your coffee. NSFW link click here.
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Introducing Jordan from the University of Iowa. I don’t not like looking at her body in a swim suit. Little double negative action for you there.
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DOPE. SUPER DOPE. In the words of our fearless leader: Don’t want it, need it. Seriously. That one on the left would be the hottest thing in the Iowa streets. You wouldn’t be able to walk two blocks in Iowa City without people being like “What is that magical piece of clothing and how do I get one?” You non-Iowa people will probably make fun of the John Deere symbol but I say it looks dope. The one on the right isn’t as great but the one on the left makes up for it and then some. How do I get my hands on one? Somebody tweeted these at me and they’re supposedly just concepts but I don’t give a fuck. Start mass producing them. Tailgating season is right around the corner and people have soccer fever from the World Cup. Stirke while the iron is hot. Put’em on the market.
The person drew up the rest of the B1G as well. Super cool all the way around. Well done.
Daily Mail- A millionaire real estate heir who escaped the public eye for years by crossdressing before he was accused of killing his neighbor has been arrested again for urinating in a CVS, police said. Robert Durst, who was acquitted of murder in 2003 after claiming self defense, has been arrested for allegedly urinating over $100 worth of candy at the register in a Houston drugstore on Sunday. He took the bizarre step after getting in an altercation with staff, sources told KTRK, and he was charged with a Class B misdemeanor.
So it sounds like this guy has had a pretty full life. Murdered somebody, chopped them into pieces and then got away with it by claiming self defense. He likes to cross dress. Normal stuff. And now he’s been arrested for urinating on a whole bunch of candy at a drug store. Listen, everybody wants to be rich. That’s just a fact. Having money is better than not having money. Life is so much easier for rich people. Especially if you’re like this guy and you don’t have to work for it. You inherit a bunch of money and you’re set forever. Sounds like the dream, right? But then a story like this comes along and being rich doesn’t sound as great. I feel like when you’re rich you slowly lose your mind. You have enough money to do whatever you want so you do all of those things because you’re rich and you can. But then you get bored. You’ve done it all. You don’t have human to human interaction because everybody else has to work for a living while you do nothing. So you start doing crazy things. And those crazy things lead to crazier things. Then one day, whoops, you’re a cross dresser standing in the middle of a CVS pissing all over a bunch of Butterfingers and Heath bars because you have nothing else to do. I’m not saying I don’t want to be rich, because I totally do, but being a normal person who has a normal job and normal friends, who goes to bars and who doesn’t whip his dick out at a CVS and urinate on chocolate bars isn’t the worst thing in the world. I think we’re all doing okay.
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