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Pro Tip- If You Slap Somebody In The Face With A Piece Of Pizza Prepare To Get Punched Harder Than You’ve Ever Been Punched Before

 

VICIOUS punch from the second guy.  Absolutely vicious.  I’m not gonna stand here and say the first guy deserved to get knocked the fuck out but he 100% did.  Like what did he think was gonna happen?  Him and his buddy taping are a couple of punks.  Marco proved that those dudes ain’t really bout that life.  If you go somewhere, slap a dude in the face with a piece of pizza and then continue to egg the dude on, you’re gonna get punched.  You deserve to get punched.  Violence isn’t normally the answer but it was the only choice in this scenario.  It’s called learning a lesson.  At some point you gotta learn that shoving pizza in another person’s face isn’t okay behavior.  If it takes a knockout punch then so be it.  The crazy part?  We didn’t even see the punch.  We just heard it and that was enough.  We saw the aftermath.  The dude was just laying on his side covered in blood.  Nasty, nasty left from Marco.

 

Classic “I probably shouldn’t have fucked with that dude/I don’t know where I am” face

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By trent posted October 21st, 2014 at 10:37 AM

Renee Zellweger No Longer Looks Like Renee Zellweger And It’s Freaking Me Out

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pictures via Gawker

 

Alright, what am I looking at there?  And don’t you dare say Renee Zellweger because that’s not Renee Zellweger.  Her driver’s license might say Renee Zellweger and her passport might say Renee Zellweger, but that’s not Renee Zellweger.

This is Renee Zellweger:

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And to be clear, this isn’t me being weirded out because I thought Renee Zellweger was hot before.  She’s never been smoking hot or anything (I thought she wasn’t bad looking in Me, Myself and Irene honestly).  She was the cute chick from Jerry Maguire.  I just don’t appreciate people being able to change their appearance so much that they no longer look like the person they used to be.  Is that so crazy to think like that?  I don’t think so.  You shouldn’t be able to just lay down on a doctor’s table and have someone rearrange your face completely.  It’s weird.  It’s really weird.  All I’m saying is we need to have at least a couple rules in this world and one of the should be you can’t COMPLETELY change what you look like.  You wanna throw on a new pair of tits?  Go right ahead.  Maybe sculpt up that nose a little and get rid of some of the fat on your belly?  I say God Bless.  But you can’t change your face so no one knows who you are.  That’s too much.  Maybe she wasn’t happy with how she looked.  Well tough shit.  I don’t love the way I look but that’s life.  You roll with what ya got.

 

Not to mention kind of a weird move for Renee, right?  You’re famous, people know who you are, you have a distinctive look and you go and get major plastic surgery?  Seems dumb to me.  She’ll go to her next audition and people will be pumped that Renee Zellweger is coming in.  Then she’ll walk through the door and people will have zero clue who she is.  Interesting move for a famous actress to say the least.

 

PS- By the way, when it comes out that her drastic change in appearance is due to some disease that I don’t know about, whoops.  That’s bound to happen because here at Barstool that’s what happens.  So sorry in advance if Renee has some sort of skin disease.  I didn’t really Google what happened to her face.

By trent posted October 21st, 2014 at 9:34 AM

Skip Bayless Says The “Sizzle” From Kobe Bryant’s Sexual Assault Trial Allowed Him To Sell More Sneakers

via Awful Announcing 

 

Ahhhhhh interesting, Skip.  Very interesting.  Kobe didn’t have the “edge” or “sizzle” to sell shoes before but you know what helps that?  Rape trials.  Yep, that makes the shoes start flying off the shelves.  Kids walked into every Foot Locker and Finish Line before the trial and was like, “Ya know, I like Kobe but he just doesn’t have that edge that comes along with sexually assaulting a woman so I’m gonna wait until that part of his career to buy his sneakers.”  Then the Eagle Colorado thing happened and kids were sprinting to the stores so they could buy them.  He finally had that edge and that sizzle.  At least according to Skip Bayless.  It’s Marketing 101 if you think about it.  No rape trial?  Good luck selling shoes.  Rape trial?  SHOW ME THE MONEY!

 

PS- The woman in that clip wanted to slap the spit outta Skip’s mouth.  I’d also like to hear what Bill Simmons has to say if ESPN doesn’t discipline Skip for what he said.

By trent posted October 21st, 2014 at 8:44 AM

Boobs And Coffee

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Happy Tuesday.  Enjoy your coffee.  NSFW link click here.

h/t drew

By trent posted October 21st, 2014 at 8:35 AM

Barstool Iowa Smokeshow of the Day – Emmy

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Introducing Emmy from the University of Iowa.

 

send smokes to iowa@barstoolsports.com

By trent posted October 20th, 2014 at 4:35 PM

When Attempting To Slide Across A Burning Bar Goes Wrong

Metro- Watch this guy in a woolly hat and other non-fire retardant garments launch himself onto a burning counter. Because no night’s complete without sliding through flames. Even the barman appears to be cheering him on as he lines himself for the potentially life-threatening stunt. He catches fire, falls off the bar and rolls around in a bid to extinguish himself. Concern revellers – still clutching drinks – help by delicately kicking him. The flames appear to be stamped shortly after the embarrassing incident.

 

Whoa!  I’m completely shocked that didn’t work!  You mean if you try and slide across a bar that’s on fire in jeans and a shirt you might catch on fire?  News to me.  Definitely news to that guy.  He thought he was gonna gracefully slide right through those flames and immediately penetrate the hottest girl at the bar on the other side.  Nope.  Turns out fire attaches itself to things and begins to burn even more.  Pretty funny how everybody else just stood and watched for a few seconds while the guy was on fire on the ground.  It took them a bit to be like “Ohhhhh he’s on fire. We should start kicking and punching him.”  Then there’s the girl on here phone who will probably catch some flack for checking Twitter instead of helping the burning man.  Well fuck them.  If somebody decides to be a moron and slide across a burning bar I’m not helping them either.  It’s for the betterment of man kind that he doesn’t come back after doing something like that.

 

By trent posted October 20th, 2014 at 3:52 PM

The Only Way To Properly Celebrate On The Price Is Right Is Humping The Ground Like This Guy Did

via uproxxx 

 

Well, that’s all she wrote.  That’s the greatest celebration dance you’ll ever see on The Price Is Right.  People shouldn’t even try to top it after a magical display like that.  The best part about it was that it came so naturally.  No way did he think if he hit the $1.00 he would drop to his belly and hump the ground into submission.  No way.  It just happened.  That’s when the best stuff comes out.  Let the moment wash over you and then react accordingly.  In this case, that reaction was thrusting and flopping like a fish outta water on the ground where the great Bob Barker stood for so many years.  It takes a real showman to be able to whip a crowd into a frenzy like that.  And then to walk it off and spin another $1.00 to win $25,000?  I’m honestly shocked he didn’t rip his pants off and start fucking the ground for reals.  $26,000 and some of the hottest dance moves these eyes have ever seen.  Have a day, young man.  Have a fucking day.

 

By trent posted October 20th, 2014 at 2:35 PM

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Woman Who Got Stuck Trying To Climb Down The Chimney Of A Guy She Met Online And Went On Six Dates With?

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Mashable- That’s not Santa Claus in your chimney, it’s that girl you met online. Search and rescue crews had to remove a woman who was stuck in a chimney early Sunday morning in Thousand Oaks, California, CBSLA.com reports. The woman, 30-year-old Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa, was allegedly attempting to enter the home of a man she met online named Lawrence, who preferred to not reveal his last name. Lawrence told local reporters that the two went on a few dates, but he had recently ended their relationship. Rescue teams had to partially dismantle the chimney and lubricate it with dish soap and water in order to extract Nunez-Figueroa. She was then transported to a hospital and later arrested for illegal entry and providing illegal information to a peace officer, according to KABC. Lawrence was not at home during the incident, but he said that he found Nunez-Figueroa two weeks ago on his roof and she ran away before the police had arrived.

 

Online dating seems like a weird concept to me.  I haven’t dabbled in it myself but the idea of meeting random strangers on the internet who match up to you because you like the same movies or some shit, agreeing on a place to meet and hoping to find love seems crazy.  I mean do people get murdered a lot doing that?  You would think they have to.  I know there’s a ton of success stories out there about people resorting to online dating and finding their husband or wife.  Every single commercial for places like eHarmony and FarmersOnly.com are jam packed with stories like that.  That’s how they get you.  But IMHO we don’t hear enough about the craziness that happens when it goes horribly horribly wrong.  Like this lady who thought it’d be a good idea to climb down the chimney of a dude she’d gone on six dates with.  That’s kinda weird.  Or maybe not to her and that’s why she’s on a dating site in the first place.  I can just see her getting home from the 6th date after a nice dinner, maybe a movie, and being like, “Fuck yeah.  Six dates.  This is going well.  Time for the climb-down-his-chimney-and-get-so-stuck-that-the-firefighters-have-to-use-dish-soap-to-slide-me-out move.  That’s love, baby.”  I guess that’s how it goes.  Like anything else dating sites have their pros and cons I’m sure.  Pros: You might meet your soul mate and live happily ever after.  Cons: You might end up with a crazy bitch in your chimney and fires that smell like Dawn for 6 months or so.  I need more dating stories like this one.

 

PS- That lady has to use the picture of her getting dragged out of the chimney as her new profile picture on the dating website, right?  She should legally have to.  Just to give possible partners the heads up that she is in fact the lady who got stuck in a chimney trying to kill/eat/nakedly surprise a guy after 6 dates.

By trent posted October 20th, 2014 at 1:25 PM
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