Have a great weekend everybody!
How do you know it’s Friday? Because this is a blog about birds. I can already taste that first post-work beer on my lips and so can you. It’s cold and refreshing and almost makes you feel good about being alive. Almost. Then you’ll go on to drink 10,000 of them and feel like a mack truck repeatedly ran you over in the morning. But hey, that’s not Friday Night Yous problem. That’s the problem of that poor sucker Saturday Morning You. Poor guy. But he doesn’t have it half as bad as Sunday Morning You. That dude isn’t just hungover but he has terrible anxiety. Then again, it’s not just a video of only birds, but birds flying. So maybe I shouldn’t sell it so short. Because those birds flying all at once was fucking dope. At the very least you’ll enjoy yourself while watching it. So have fun, enjoy those crazy coordinated birds and have a beer for me tonight. Those soft 4s aren’t going to fuck themselves. We gotta do our part too.
joke is around the one minute mark
You see? That right there is what makes comedy and jokes and people having a god damn sense of humor awesome. Because, when done by the right people and done in the right way, even subject matter such as Bill Cosby allegedly raping 90% of the women in Hollywood can be made humorous. Jon Stewart (at least for my money, I don’t know how you feel about him but I love the guy) is one of those people who can do it right and not fuck it up. And what I mean by that is in a couple days Stewart won’t tuck his tail between his legs and apologize when a couple people get offended by a harmless joke and are calling for his head. He won’t. He’ll stick to his guns and simply keep it moving. That’s what jokes are. Say them and then move on to the next one without apologizing. Despite the subject matter being shitty and unfortunate, the joke is funny and that’s what matters to Stewart. He is the host of a satirical news program and jokes like that are fair game. So hate on Stewart all you want (and I’m sure some of you will) but doing jokes like that are what makes him one of the best.
Dude Complains About Constant Headaches And Oh It Turns Out He’s Had A Parasitic Worm In His Brain For Four Years
The Guardian- A man who went to see his doctor after suffering headaches and experiencing strange smells was found to have been living for more than four years with a rare parasitic worm in his brain. In the first case of its kind in Britain, the ribbon-shaped tapeworm was found to have burrowed from one side of the 50-year-old man’s brain to the other. Doctors were left baffled after spotting strange ring-like patterns moving 5cm through his brain tissue in a series of scans taken over four years. Surgeons only discovered the 1cm worm while carrying out a biopsy at Addenbrooke’s hospital in Cambridge and took it to parasite experts to be identified. Geneticists at the Wellcome Trust Sanger Institute in Cambridge found the creature was a rare species of tapeworm known as Spirometra erinaceieuropaei. Only 300 cases of infection by this parasite in humans have been reported since 1953, with only two previous cases identified in Europe.
This is the kind of story that makes me almost puke. Not even blogger hyperbole puke. We’re talking actual puke. I straight up don’t have the stomach for shit like this. I’ll watch videos of giant pimples being popped and dude’s snapping their legs in half all day long. Doesn’t bother me one bit. But this? FUCK THAT. I can’t handle even the thought of some parasitic worm just creeping and crawling around my skull for FOUR years. That means every meal and every dump he took and every time he went to bed and every time he cheated on his wife that thing was just swimming up there in his brain without him knowing. Makes me literally gag just thinking about it. This is a good case for the If You Never Go To The Doctor Then There’s Never Anything Wrong With You line of thinking. So this guy has some headaches and he’s smelling weird things at weird times. Well learn to deal with it. That’s what I do. I don’t have health insurance so I wouldn’t go anyway. But If you ignore a problem long enough and don’t go to the doctor it’ll either go away eventually or it’ll kill you naturally. It’s one or the other. If this guy just hadn’t gone to the doctor and got his head checked then he would’ve never known he had a parasitic worm hanging around in his brain for 4 years and I wouldn’t be gagging over my computer while I read the story. Everybody wins (until the work took over his brain completely and killed him. Still kind of a win though).
See? The pros! They’re just like us! Rory is human. The #1 golfer in the world is human Just like the rest of us. He chunks shots with his 3 wood that are perfectly set up in the fairway just like the rest of us. Doesn’t matter if you’re a pro golfer coming off the best year of your career or if you’re a weekend hacker who loves slamming Bud Lights and whacking a small ball around a giant field for a few hours with your pals. It’s all the same, It might not feel that way 99.9% of the time but it is the same. One of the big differences I suppose is Rory was still able to save par on that hole. That’s where the similarities between Rory McIlroy and us begin to stop. But before that, we’re just like him.
PS- How about Rory taking 6 weeks off and then firing a 66 his first round back and sitting atop the leaderboard after the first day? Pretty good I guess. Just another day in #RorysWorld.
Really? That’s the wish she had? To see the ocean for the first time? What an idiot. You’re told you can do anything in the world and it’s to stare at the ocean? A bunch of water that rolls in and back out then in and back out again. Laaaaaaaaaaaame. Literally the worst use of a wish in the history of wishes. I might be a bit biased because I’m on record saying oceans are the most overrated thing in the world because they are. She knows it too. You could even see it on her wrinkled face as soon as she rolled up onto the sand that she’d made a terrible mistake. She got there and was like, “This is it?” I fucked up. I really fucked up.” And she’s right because oceans are pointless. Oceans are pointless even for the people who like to lay out and swim and do whatever people do at the beach. It’s even more pointless if you’re just gonna show up in a high-powered scooter and sit there while the water touches your wheels like this 100 year old bag of bones did. Poor planning. She should’ve done something that was more worth whatever precious time she has left on this planet. Go to a male strip club and get that libido firing one last time. Go to a bar and rip tequila shots until the line goes flat. Hell, go on a roller coaster. Anything is better than going to the ocean and siting there are pretending to be like, “This is so beautiful.” No it’s not. People say that because other people have said that. It’s fucking water. Now somebody get Chippendales on the horn and give that old lady the send off she deserves.
PS- For real though, how can I get one of those scooters she has? That thing is awesome. It’s like an SUV. You could drive that to the top of Mount Everest.