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Barstool Iowa Smokeshow of the Day – Alyssa

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Introducing Alyssa from the University of Iowa.

 

send all smokes to iowa@barstoolsports.com

By trent posted September 30th, 2014 at 4:40 PM

There’s Going To Be A Tetris Movie And I Don’t Even Know What That Means

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Metro- This time around classic game Tetris – yes you heard correctly, that game with the endless falling blocks and no actual characters – has been snapped up for a live-action movie makeover by the same team who brought you the Mortal Kombat movies. And while nobody’s actually signed up to direct or star in the film, its producers Threshold Entertainment have revealed they already have an idea about how to bring it to the big screen. ‘It’s a very big, epic sci-fi movie,’ the company’s CEO Larry Kasanoff, explained to the Wall Street Journal. This isn’t a movie with a bunch of lines running around the page. We’re not giving feet to the geometric shapes.’ ‘Brands are the new stars of Hollywood,’ he added. ‘We have a story behind ‘Tetris’ which makes it a much more imaginative thing. Er, can’t wait. The original Tetris game, designed by Soviet computer whiz Alexey Pajitnov, was first released in 1984, becoming a worldwide phenomenon after after it was released for the Nintendo GameBoy five years later. It was also responsible for this 1992 chart hit (which was the brainchild of Andrew Lloyd Webber no less):

 

What the what? You know what I hate most about this idea?  It’s not that it’s going to be a movie about falling blocks which makes zero sense.  It’s not that I don’t totally understand how it’s going to work/make any sense.  I’m most mad that it’s going to work, make a ton of money and that I didn’t think of the idea first.  I’m mad that I didn’t walk into a Hollywood studio and say “Hey, let’s make a Tetris movie.”  It wouldn’t have made sense but it doesn’t have to.  This is what movie making is now.  Instead of thinking up an original idea and running with it, movie studios are fine with taking old ideas and shoving money up its ass and hoping it works.  That’s what they’re doing with every comic book remake that’s come out in the last 2 years.  It’s gone so far now that somebody said “Hey, let’s make a Tetris move.” and somebody else was like, “YEP!”  Why jump on an idea like that?  Because the audience is already there.  It’s built in.  There’s no risk.  Everybody loves Tetris so they will at least think about seeing a Tetris movie.  What’s the actual movie about?  Who cares!  As long as there’s something familiar and nostalgic about the idea, people will pay money to see it. Who are the actors?  Don’t have any, doesn’t matter.  People grew up playing Tetris so it’s coded in their DNA to at least be curious what a movie about it is.  Be original for me one time Hollywood.

By trent posted September 30th, 2014 at 4:25 PM

Absolutely Pathetic Flop Outta This Chick Trying To Scam Drivers

 

What in the holy hell was that?  Absolutely pathetic work out of her.  Nothing good about it.  Terrible form, terrible everything.  If this is your way to earn a living, that’s fine.  I have no beef with that.  I’ll never hate on somebody trying to make a buck to survive on this wretched planet of ours.  Survival of the fittest and all that jazz.  But you need to be more committed than that.  Like a lot more.  Bring the real thing or don’t come at all.  Throw your body at the car, drop a people’s elbow on the hood, smash your face on a window, get some blood gushing.  Anything of substance.  Everybody who watched it happen was like, “Is she fucking kidding with that?”  Her struggling with the people who were trying to take her away was priceless.  Listen lady, we know you’re not injured.  We just watched you take a LeBron flop in front of this car.  We all saw it.  Now get the fuck outta here or we’ll carry you outta here.

 

PS- Have scammers like this not figured out that there are dash cams on all these cars?  Maybe they’re too poor to own computer or get on the internet but they need to figure it out sooner or later.  Adapt or die.  Keep pulling stupid stunts like this and you’re never going to make any money.  Time to think of a new strategy.

By trent posted September 30th, 2014 at 2:40 PM

I’m All In On Natalie Dormer’s Haircut That She Has For The New Hunger Games Movie

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Cosmopolitan- New promotional pictures from The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 have been revealed. The images see Katniss and her fellow rebels rise up to fight against President Snow’s oppressive regime. Oh, and new cast member Natalie Dormer (pictured above), who plays documentary filmmaker Cressida, has fantastic hair — a dramatic undercut accentuated with a cute little braid running along the hairline: The vine-like tattoos are a very Capitol touch, also. See more photos of the Mockingjay – Part 1 action below, which are sadly lacking in all things Peeta Mellark but oh well:

 

I think I wrote a blog about this a couple months back but, even if I did, it’s worth mentioning again.  I’m all in on Natalie Dormer’s (AKA Margaery Tyrell from Game of Thrones) new haircut.  Especially with these new pictures.  ALL IN.  Now that they’ve added some awesome vine tattoos to the side of her head?  Guess what?  I’m even further all in, if that’s even possible because I was all in before.  Whatever part of the DNA that people have that make them attracted to girls with a hair cut like that, I have it.  I have it in spades.  Big fan out it.  Add to the fact that Natalie Dormer is already a stone cold fox and you have a lethal combination with her and that hair cut.  Yes please.

 

PS- Barstool Confession?  I saw the first Hunger Games movie and really enjoyed it.  I enjoyed it so much that I saw the second one in the theaters.  True story.  Jennifer Lawrence is a delight (especially post-The Fappening) and the movies are actually good.  I thought the second one was better than the first one and I’m sure as shit going to see this newest one when it comes out.  Go ahead, tell me I’m a loser or a pussy for seeing those movies and enjoying them.  I guarantee there’s at least a few of you who were forced to go see them with your girlfriend and you enjoyed the movies just as much as they did, if not more.  No shame in that.

 

And now, a Natalie Dormer gallery:

 

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By trent posted September 30th, 2014 at 1:40 PM

Better Know A Camel Toe

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Read the rest of this entry »

By trent posted September 30th, 2014 at 12:40 PM

Kristen Wiig And Bill Hader Did An Interview For Their New Movie And The Reporter Hadn’t Seen It But Tried To Act Like He Had

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Whoops!  Whenever I watch a show like Conan or The Daily Show or The Tonight Show I always wonder if the guys have seen the films or read the book of the guests they have on.  You can never quite tell because Conan or Stewart or Fallon are masters at talking in generalities that sound specific.  Like “Oh I loved you in this” or “Oh the book is so funny and thought provoking” even if they haven’t seen or read it.  But those guys are so good at hiding it that we can’t tell.  That’s probably part of the reason they’re super famous and this guy from Denver is, well, this guy from Denver.  I feel bad for him but then kind of not.  It would’ve been one thing if he had said “It’s interesting that you guys chose to do a drama when comedy is your lane for the most part”  That’s what a person says when they’ve only read a summary of the movie and haven’t actually seen it.  It’s a good question/statement and it’s low risk because it’s a softball that Wiig and Hader probably get all the time.  It’s boring but whatever.  But going with “What’s your advice on going nude in this movie?” when you know in your own head that you haven’t even seen it?  That’s HIGH risk.  You deserve to get exposed and called out if that’s your question and you haven’t seen the movie yet.

 

Also, props to Wiig and Hader for handling it like that.  They’ve probably done a million of these local interviews by now promoting that movie to the point where they just want to kill themselves.  They could’ve ripped this dude a new one for being an idiot but they mostly just laughed.  They skewered him a little but not too bad.  You could tell he reporter was thoroughly embarrassed.

By trent posted September 30th, 2014 at 11:46 AM

This Veterinarian Who Sticthed The Words “I Love You” Into A Dog And Shared The Photo On His Girlfriend’s Facebook Can Go Straight To Hell

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Metro- A veterinary student is firmly in the dog house with his university after stitching the words ‘I love you’ into a pooch he was doing surgery on. Rather than declaring his love of the animal he was working on, the student was trying to woo his girlfriend, and posted the image to her Facebook timeline. Not only did the picture incur the wrath of her many Facebook friends, but the Polish student is now facing disciplinary action from the University of Warmia and Mazury in Olsztyn where he is in his fourth year. Rather than just deleting the photo and praying the internet would forget about it, the student’s girlfriend, who reportedly sits on the student council, attempted to defend his actions. ‘What’s so unethical about it? He’s learnt to sew in order to help and is just showing his skill,’ she said. As skilful as it may be to use a dog’s flesh like a post-it note, the head of veterinary studies at the university, Andrzej Koncicki, has decided to launch an investigation into the incident. He said: ‘One of the first points of the Vets’ Code of Ethics is that a vet practising his profession of public trust needs professional conduct and good morals.’ Mr Koncicki added that to stitch words into a dog ‘does seem immoral and unethical behaviour from a student of veterinary science’, and expressed concern that the professional who would have been overseeing the operation did not act to stop the student.

 

First of all, FUCK this guy.  Any punishment he gets is too light.  Even if he gets tortured for three days straight in the worst possible conditions it’d be too light.  Way too light.  It takes a sick fuck to do something like that.  At the very least somebody should sew “I’m a fucking dumb ass” in huge block letters into his stomach and see how he likes it.  Second, I was worried when I first saw this article.  I really was.  I was worried because I thought people were going to be like “OMG that’s so cute!  How romantic!  Sewing “I love you” into a dog is just the best.”  Luckily that wasn’t the case.  You never know about the internet and how it’ll react to a story.  Fortunately for society, this kid is getting dragged over the coals and for good reason.  He’s a fucking psycho who needs to be in prison.  You don’t use a dog as a notepad to declare your love for some stupid girl.  That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.  Tell it to her face or don’t tell her at all.  Don’t bring an innocent dog into this.  If I went to pickup my dog from the vet and there were words stitched into her belly, haymakers would start flying immediately.  Yesterday we learned that love is for poor people.  Today we learned that love is also for Texas Chainsaw Massacre-type lunatics as well.

 

The craziest part though (besides stitching words into a dog)?  The craziest part is that the guy didn’t think it was a big deal and posted the photo to Facebook.  That’s a different kind of stupid.  He’s stupid for thinking it would be a good idea to stitch words into a dog and he’s even stupider for thinking that it’d be a okay to post in on his girlfriend’s wall so she could see it.  Oh wait, there’s actually is a crazier part.  His girlfriend defended him by saying “he was just showing off his skill” Sewing words into a dog’s belly isn’t a skill, it’s what serial killers do.  These people need to be killed, right?  Right.  Sure that seems harsh but for both of them to be like “It’s not a big deal!” is insane.  The thought of them conceiving a child in the future and bringing it into this world sends a chill down my spine.

By trent posted September 30th, 2014 at 10:50 AM

Turns Out Playing Dead Doesn’t Stop A Bull From Attacking You, It Actually Makes It Worse

 

I feel like we’ve been lied to our entire lives after watching that.  Like isn’t playing dead supposed to be the go-to move when any wild animal is attacking you?  That’s what I always thought.  I literally thought that when you stopped moving when a giant animal was chasing you it was like throwing on an invisibility cloak.  All of the sudden it couldn’t see you anymore and it’ll be on its ‘merry way to find food somewhere else.  Camping in the woods and a giant grizzly bear starts running towards you and wants to maul you to death?  Play dead.  Don’t run, it makes it worse they always said.  A wild bull is running in the streets and you can’t get away?  Play dead and it’ll leave you alone.  Orrrrrr it’ll attack even harder and fling you over his back like you’re nothing more than a piece of dirty laundry.  Either one.

By trent posted September 30th, 2014 at 10:00 AM
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