Have a great weekend everybody! Go Hawks!
Have a great weekend everybody! Go Hawks!
God damn it. Are you kidding me? So Iowa it hurts. Have some self awareness for me one time. I’m over here busting my ass trying to get people to realize that we do in fact have internet and TV and cable and running water here in our state in the middle of the map. It’s a tireless undertaking but somebody had to step up and do it. And then here comes the University of Iowa busting through the door telling people to set their VCRs for the game tomorrow and ruining everything. So fucking Iowa it hurts.
Metro- The Supersize Bed is the brainchild of set and costume designer Cecilia Carey and Harry Parr of food anarchists Bompas and Parr. Parr says of the design: ‘The chip bed is sensual and luxurious. Realise all of your fast food dreams as you curl up beneath the colourful headboard. Carey takes the principles of rock and roll applies them to furniture.’ And, amazing news, you can actually buy one for yourself. It’s price on application though which generally translates as ‘you can’t afford it’ but we’d be willing to save up for this statement piece. Dreams are made of this.
How the fuck did Americans not invent this? That’s an absolute travesty. I don’t want to say we’re slipping in the area of making fast food meals into furniture, but we’re slipping in the area of making fast food meals into furniture. We’re the fast food capital of the world and it’s not even close. There’s a McDonalds on every street corner of every street in America. We’re the fattest people in the world and somebody swooped in and made a fast food bed complete with french fry pillows right under our fat noses? I’ll just say what we’re all thinking: I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed for all of us. It doesn’t happen very often because we come from the greatest country in the history of the world but we fucked up here. Nobody should ever beat us to the punch on anything greasy food related. Ever. And this super awesome bed was invented by a British person? Flabbergasting. We gotten tighten shit up here in America.
As far as the actual bed itself, I don’t hate it. If the world wouldn’t look down upon a man in his mid-twenties having a fast food bed I’d think about buying it. I mean french fry pillows? That’s spectacular. I love french fries. How could you not? They’re greasy and they’re salty. But the world would look down of me because they’re a bunch of meanies. Also, if I bought that bed and woke up everyday thinking about fast food I’d get fast food even more often than I do already. And that has diabetes written all over it.
Football is back. Damn that feels good to say. On what is sure to be a lovely day in Ames, Iowa State fans, coaches, and players will be ready as a North Dakota State team comes in, winners of a few FCS Championships, or something like that. When the 2014 schedule came out and this game was at the top, you could hear a collective moan in Central Iowa from Cyclone fans. Why pay a team to come in and beat you, some thought. I say nay. The Cyclones will win this game. They have to. Paul Rhoads will have his bunch fired up. It’s not like NDSU is a silent assassin that will catch ISU off guard; they’re an FCS powerhouse that beat Kansas State last year. You know what you’re getting when this game was scheduled.
Here’s three things to watch for that will turn the tide and move the Clones to 1-0 on Saturday.
The buzz in Ames is about a receiving corps that has the depth to make life easy on quarterback Sam Richardson. Quenton Bundrage is back, and is the same guy that had a 97-yard touchdown reception against Texas in 2013. E.J. Bibbs is a preseason All-American at tight end. Jarvis West didn’t catch many balls last year, but he’s a quick little dude that has a great history in the return game. Seems like I forgot something…oh yeah, the kid from Urbandale! Bison fan, who are you going to line up against Big XII soon-to-be freshman of the Year Allen Lazard? At 5-11, CJ Smith is going to have a hard time winning a jump ball against the 6-5 Lazard. Mangenious is going to utilize Lazard, and the Cyclones should have no problems getting six on the board in the red zone.
Battle of the lines
In a shootout with Baylor, Oklahoma, or any other Big XII foe that has a brilliant passing attack, the untested defensive backs of Iowa State would be exposed. NDSU runs the ball. They run it very well against the defensive lines of Southern Illinois, South Dakota, and Missouri State. Those teams don’t have Cory Morrissey, Brandon Jensen, or Mitchell Meyers to try and move out of the way for their talented backs. If and when the defensive line gets penetration, that running game is going to start to slow down. After that, the Bison have to rely on a passing attack from a guy named Carson Wentz. Wentz was a backup last year that played in mop-up duty. The guy isn’t exactly Bryce Petty. Hell, he’s not even Andy Dalton, despite the red hair. Wally Burnham will have a plan in place to slow down the run, and try to make the ginger beat Iowa State. If said ginger embarrasses Burnham, then maybe the Bison should quit playing in the FCS altogether and join the SEC.
In all likelihood, this is going to be a close game that may come down to a few plays here or there. At times in these types of games, an experienced kicker can help. Unfortunately for ISU, NDSU has just that. His name is Adam Keller, and he has started the past two seasons. The dude can kick really well…in a dome. Hey Adam, ever seen the wind in Jack Trice Stadium? Ask Cyclone kicker Cole Netten about it. Sure, our intelligent readers will say, “Gabe, the Ames forecast only calls for 5 mph winds. 5 mph doesn’t seem like much to me?” Kickers at Jack Trice will tell you, that does not matter. There is always some type of swirl crap wind coming off of the corn fields that visiting kickers don’t necessarily anticipate. Maybe this Adam who wears number 17 and retweets people who wish him happy birthday (year bro, I googled you) is a quick learner and won’t push an extra point. Maybe.
Iowa State 28, North Dakota State 24. The Bison will take their fat check back to Fargo or wherever campus is still winners of the last three FCS Titles. A second half turnover or two will be the difference. The Cyclones will wake up Sunday 1-0 and still eligible for the College Fotball Playoff. A man can dream, let me live.
Yeah! Football! Tomorrow! The return of all things Iowa Hawkeyes tomorrow. I already posted the pump up video earlier today and now let’s take a closer look at the defense that’ll be steam rolling teams throughout the season.
PS- The most underrated part of the season returning? The return of Gary Dolphin.
We’ve come a long way in a short amount of time. Just a few years ago the talent in this unit was near the bottom of the Big Ten. These days Iowa boasts one of the top defensive tackles in the country in 300 LB Carl Davis who CBSSports.com has as the #2 senior defensive tackle in next years draft and the prototypical workhorse in Louis Trinca-Pasat playing next to him. This unit will prove to be one of the top forces in the conference this year, if not the country. The depth of the interior line took a little bit of a hit this week with the announcement that Darian Cooper would be missing this season due to shoulder surgery. But fortunately this is one of the positions Iowa can afford an injury. Look for Jaleel Johnson, Nate Bazata, and Faith Ekakite to provide big contributions and a glimpse into the future for this unit. On the edges Iowa lacks an elite pass rusher just like they have in the past few years. Drew Ott is a good athlete who plays with a chip on his shoulder and a “won’t take shit from anybody attitude” If you had a “Who would I not want to fight on this team” list… Scherff is obviously #1 but Ott might be #1A. It has to be noted that he was the 2014 Solon Hay Bay Toss champion unseating former Hawkeye and New York Jet Matt Kroul’s reign of dominance. The wildcard on this unit is Nate Meier. Meier played 8-man football in high school and his style of play was likened to a “Bear loose in a children’s zoo” by the CR Gazette’s Marc Morehouse.
Biggest question mark on the whole team. Replacing three all conference caliber players in one season is going to be tough even if you have a roster full of blue chip recruits. Iowa will be filling those three spots with a 5th year senior a 17-year-old freshman and a walk-on. On the surface that sounds pretty fucking terrible, and the more I read it the worse it sounds, but Quinton Alston the senior would have started for plenty of teams last year. He just had the bad luck of being behind All Big 10 James Morris for three years. There are people around the program who felt that Alston was the better option at MLB last year so we will see what happens. 17 year old Reggie Spearman has the weakside backer position this fall, he, like Nate Meier, saw a lot of time on Iowa’s blitz packages last fall and is looking to take that experience into a full time role. The strong-side will see a pair of walk-ons splitting snaps come Saturday, Travis Perry and Bo Bower will look to continue Iowa’s tradition of walk on success stories, both have made significant strides since coming on to campus. Perry is a senior who is a great story. His Dad is overseas serving our great country in Iraq. Bower is from West Branch. He could’ve taken a scholarship with some smaller programs but chose to walk on with the Hawks and his gamble has paid off. He already earned a scholarship in his first camp and listed as a co-starter with the senior Perry. Look for young guys Ben Niemann and Josey Jewell to see some time early in the season and on special teams . Depth is an issue with this unit and a significant injury could have a real big effect on how the season goes.
As the biggest fan of The Wire on the planet I want “You come at the King you best not miss” shirts to become a thing because sophomore corner Desmond King is the real deal. He’ll be tasked with locking down everybody’s number one. And if last year is any indication he’s more than up to the task of taking on every team on this schedule’s number one wide receiver. The second corner spot is still up for grabs but it looks like it’s going to former receiver Greg Mabin. Mabin showed enough in camp to leapfrog Maurice Fleming. Both Fleming and Mabin have elite speed so Mabin’s ability to transition to a new position and grab a starting spot says a shit ton about his athleticism. Iowa’s deep with talent at the corner position but that talent is short on experience. If King were to miss a couple snaps look for opposing offensives to challenge the young guys deep. The strong safety postion sees a familiar face in John Lowdermilk return, fan favorite Nico Law chose to leave the team in the offseason which killed any chance of a controversy. But this job was Lowdermilk’s to lose no matter what. Forgetting his boneheaded dropping of an INT return at the one yard-line in the Outback Bowl Lowdermilk played well for his first season as a starter. He’s a big safety and isn’t afraid to come up and support the run. His experience will be vital to getting a young back seven in position play in and play out. Jordan Lomax was moved to the free safety spot to spark competition this spring and never let this spot go. Lomax was a lock to be the starting corner opposite King this fall so Lomax’s move speaks to two things: 1) The coaches are comfortable with the depth of talent at the corner position 2) Lomax has too much talent to keep off the field. Iowa’s safeties aren’t asked to do extradorinary things athletically. They’re traditionally smart players who are always in the right spot to make a play (Looking at you, Tyler Sash). Lomax brings a level of athleticism to the position that Iowa hasn’t had in recent years and will be fun to watch develop. One to watch: Miles Taylor. Taylor was a late flip from Georgia Tech and will see significant time on special teams this fall. Iowa traditionally defaults to redshirting freshman unless they show them something in camp, Taylor appears to have done that and more and could see some time in the early season if the offense is hitting on all cylinders.
Kicker: Just make the damn kick.
Punter: Just don’t get it blocked.
Kick Returns: Iowa’s depth at running back has allowed them to put speedster Jordan Canzeri back to return kicks, look for him to make more than one explosive play this fall. Also keep an eye out for young Akrum Wadley who could spell Canzeri late in games early in the year.
Punt Returns: See Kevonte Martin Manley vs. Western Michigan …. Enough said.
I tried everything to get this video to embed into the blog. Straight up refused to do it. Watch it here. It’s super dope.
BOOM! In precisely 24 hours from now we’ll be watching our Iowa Hawkeyes kick off the season at Kinnick against Northern Iowa. And I for one couldn’t be more excited. Especially after watching that pump up video. If you didn’t get jacked up after watch that then you don’t love college football or the Hawkeyes and you should just kill yourself right now. It had everything. Campus shots, Norm Parker shout outs, shots of Kinnick, players running out of the tunnel awesome music. Everything. I wish the game could start right now. I’m ready to go undefeated, win the West and probably accidentally win the whole damn thing. Oops. Let’s fucking do this. I’m pumped. Tonight always feels like Christmas Eve because I’m gonna be drunk and super excited for the morning to come. The first Iowa football game is even better than Christmas though. There’s simply nothing better than cracking a beer before 9am and having it be socially acceptable. Fuck yeah.
I’ll be drunkenly walking around and tailgating in Iowa City tomorrow. If you see me, let’s shotgun some beers. Good talk. I’ll see you out there.
Metro- Liu Mai was using a drill on the side of the apartment building earlier this week in Guizhou, China 80ft off the ground when 10-year-old Tang Chu took a knife to his ropes, almost causing his death. Mr Liu said: ‘I was using an electric drill to fit security lights to the outside of the building when I felt my safety rope shaking. I looked up to see what was wrong. ‘Then I saw the boy cutting the rope with a knife. I shouted at him to stop but he didn’t listen and soon after, the rope was broken. I was petrified.’ He was left hanging onto a single rope for dear life while colleagues spent 40 minutes struggling to pull him to safety. A spokesman from the local fire service said the boy acted on impulse when the drilling made it difficult for him to hear his cartoons. His father, Tang Peng, said the boy has apologised and the family have brought Mr Liu a new rope. He said: ‘We also gave him a good talking too and explained what he did was very dangerous. ‘He has promised he will not do something similar again.’
Kind of a good news, bad news situation if you’re the parents of this kid. Good news is you know he won’t take any shit. He doesn’t have a problem being a go-getter who’s willing to sacrifice just about anything to get what he wants. Those skills translate over into the real world. He’s willing to kill a construction worker over being louder than his cartoons? Imagine the drive and motivation he’ll have when he realizes what he wants to do with his life. He’ll attack that cause with the same vigor he used when he grabbed a knife off the kitchen counter and attacked this dude’s rope. Bad news is the kid might be a certified psycho path who gets enjoyment out of watching people struggle all because he wants to watch some stupid cartoon on a Saturday morning. These are the types of stories you hear down the road after a guy finally snaps and murders his entire family along with a few police officers. ”Hey remember that kid who almost killed a construction worker because he wanted to watch his cartoons in peace 10 years ago? Yeah, he’s the one who killed all those people yesterday at the mall.” If the kid can find a happy balance between those two, he should be fine. Otherwise they should just put him in jail right now because it probably won’t end well.
PS- If we’re being honest, it fucking sucks when your neighbor is having work done on their house. Sure, it’s their right to do so. But when I have a monster hangover after drinking a thousand Bud Lights the last thing I want to hear is someone re-roofing their house. If I wasn’t paralyzed from the neck down when I’m hungover I might just do something like this kid did. So I get it.