Metro- Watch this guy in a woolly hat and other non-fire retardant garments launch himself onto a burning counter. Because no night’s complete without sliding through flames. Even the barman appears to be cheering him on as he lines himself for the potentially life-threatening stunt. He catches fire, falls off the bar and rolls around in a bid to extinguish himself. Concern revellers – still clutching drinks – help by delicately kicking him. The flames appear to be stamped shortly after the embarrassing incident.
Whoa! I’m completely shocked that didn’t work! You mean if you try and slide across a bar that’s on fire in jeans and a shirt you might catch on fire? News to me. Definitely news to that guy. He thought he was gonna gracefully slide right through those flames and immediately penetrate the hottest girl at the bar on the other side. Nope. Turns out fire attaches itself to things and begins to burn even more. Pretty funny how everybody else just stood and watched for a few seconds while the guy was on fire on the ground. It took them a bit to be like “Ohhhhh he’s on fire. We should start kicking and punching him.” Then there’s the girl on here phone who will probably catch some flack for checking Twitter instead of helping the burning man. Well fuck them. If somebody decides to be a moron and slide across a burning bar I’m not helping them either. It’s for the betterment of man kind that he doesn’t come back after doing something like that.
Well, that’s all she wrote. That’s the greatest celebration dance you’ll ever see on The Price Is Right. People shouldn’t even try to top it after a magical display like that. The best part about it was that it came so naturally. No way did he think if he hit the $1.00 he would drop to his belly and hump the ground into submission. No way. It just happened. That’s when the best stuff comes out. Let the moment wash over you and then react accordingly. In this case, that reaction was thrusting and flopping like a fish outta water on the ground where the great Bob Barker stood for so many years. It takes a real showman to be able to whip a crowd into a frenzy like that. And then to walk it off and spin another $1.00 to win $25,000? I’m honestly shocked he didn’t rip his pants off and start fucking the ground for reals. $26,000 and some of the hottest dance moves these eyes have ever seen. Have a day, young man. Have a fucking day.
Mashable- That’s not Santa Claus in your chimney, it’s that girl you met online. Search and rescue crews had to remove a woman who was stuck in a chimney early Sunday morning in Thousand Oaks, California, CBSLA.com reports. The woman, 30-year-old Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa, was allegedly attempting to enter the home of a man she met online named Lawrence, who preferred to not reveal his last name. Lawrence told local reporters that the two went on a few dates, but he had recently ended their relationship. Rescue teams had to partially dismantle the chimney and lubricate it with dish soap and water in order to extract Nunez-Figueroa. She was then transported to a hospital and later arrested for illegal entry and providing illegal information to a peace officer, according to KABC. Lawrence was not at home during the incident, but he said that he found Nunez-Figueroa two weeks ago on his roof and she ran away before the police had arrived.
Online dating seems like a weird concept to me. I haven’t dabbled in it myself but the idea of meeting random strangers on the internet who match up to you because you like the same movies or some shit, agreeing on a place to meet and hoping to find love seems crazy. I mean do people get murdered a lot doing that? You would think they have to. I know there’s a ton of success stories out there about people resorting to online dating and finding their husband or wife. Every single commercial for places like eHarmony and FarmersOnly.com are jam packed with stories like that. That’s how they get you. But IMHO we don’t hear enough about the craziness that happens when it goes horribly horribly wrong. Like this lady who thought it’d be a good idea to climb down the chimney of a dude she’d gone on six dates with. That’s kinda weird. Or maybe not to her and that’s why she’s on a dating site in the first place. I can just see her getting home from the 6th date after a nice dinner, maybe a movie, and being like, “Fuck yeah. Six dates. This is going well. Time for the climb-down-his-chimney-and-get-so-stuck-that-the-firefighters-have-to-use-dish-soap-to-slide-me-out move. That’s love, baby.” I guess that’s how it goes. Like anything else dating sites have their pros and cons I’m sure. Pros: You might meet your soul mate and live happily ever after. Cons: You might end up with a crazy bitch in your chimney and fires that smell like Dawn for 6 months or so. I need more dating stories like this one.
PS- That lady has to use the picture of her getting dragged out of the chimney as her new profile picture on the dating website, right? She should legally have to. Just to give possible partners the heads up that she is in fact the lady who got stuck in a chimney trying to kill/eat/nakedly surprise a guy after 6 dates.
“Alright guys, Peyton Manning broke Brett Favre’s record tonight so we’re obviously gonna have to run a story on it. Go ahead and pull up a picture of Peyton we can use for the broadcast. Or a picture of any Peyton/Payton will be fine. Just get me a damn picture of some one with that name. Gold jacket, green jacket. Who gives a shit?”
First of all, big time accomplishment for The Glove. The Sonics all-time leading scorer can now add another offense feather to his already-stellar cap. So congrats to him. Second, I don’t know how stuff like this happens but I laugh every time it does. I just always want to know what series of events took place before they flashed Gary Payton’s face on the news cast. What transpired behind the scenes up until that very moment where an NBA player was added to the “TD Record” graphic? We’ll never know but it’ll always be funny to think about.
via Max Preps
Tackling? What’s tackling? And the punt returner did just about everything wrong and it still some how worked out. He ran backwards, he ran sideways and he even ran into defenders. Still worked out. I don’t know who should feel stupider: the Seahawks special teams unit after getting faked out on a punt return yesterday by the Rams or the opposing high school team who straight up refused to tackle that kid. I’m saying the high schoolers should feel stupider. I can see how the Seahawks got duped. The guys sprinting down field aren’t looking up to see where the ball is. They’re looking at the returner and where he goes so they can smash his brains upon catching the ball. It looks bad now but it’ll happen again eventually. But those high school kids who can’t tackle? They should cut every player who was involved in that play and start fresh. The returner was begging to be tackled and they still couldn’t do it. Can you cut high school football players? Hopefully you can.
PS- I was on the Rundown a couple weeks ago and we talked about my high school football playing days. Pres told me to try and get tapes of me playing and send them to him. Then I went to New York and that got pushed aside. Well I’m back and I remembered that my Dad taped all of the games. So I’ll be grabbing those here soon. If you simply can’t wait for the tapes, just picture Lawrence Taylor in his prime. That was me.
Happy Monday, everybody! Let’s get some fucking french toast. I didn’t know what to expect from the video when it said *puke alert at 54 seconds*. Thought maybe a little dry heave here and there or maybe he’d puke down the front of his own business shirt. NOPE. Not the case at all. He went full exorcism, tipped his head back and let it fly. I guess if you’re gonna puke on public transport while being videoed you might as well get your money’s worth. Well he did exactly that. Puke mother fucking EVERYWHERE. That had to have been brewing inside him for quite some time because once it got the the green light, it was on. Flood gates. He was on the struggle bus pretty early on in the video. The swaying back and forth, the clutching his stomach, and most of all the, the dry heaves. Now that I’ve been to New York and am an expert on riding the subway, a piece of advice to everyone out there is if a guy starts dry heaving like Sweet Dee it’s probably time to run. Run far away. Or you might get caught in a situation like this and get rained on. Chicken parm you taste so good.
Telegraph- A hapless student had to be rescued by firefighters when she got her head stuck in a bottle bank. Chelsie Redwood, 19, was on a night out with university friends when she jammed herself into the recycling bin. A friend had bet the fashion student £10 and a Big Mac to stick her head through the hole, not thinking she would become jammed. Miss Redwood, who is studying at Solent University, in Southampton, had been drinking when she got trapped in a civic centre car park on Friday. A Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service spokesman said: “At 3.29am a female was released from a recycling bin using cutting equipment. A special equipment unit was called from Redbridge.” Crew manager Chris Rashleigh said: “I think it was student night. I imagine she was looking for more drink. I think she had been there for a little while by the time we got there. ”When the fire crews turned up, the girl was surrounded by friends with her head stuck in the bin with both feet on the ground. ”The girl eventually managed to pull herself free with the aid of a firefighter.”
Well this is pretty simple. She had to do it. She had to stick her head in that recycling bin and risk getting stuck and having the fire department show up to rip her out while all her friends watched. She had to. Not to prove to her friends she had the balls do it (although looking at her arm in that picture proves she might literally have the balls to do it) or because it would be funny or anything dumb like that. She had to do it because when you’re drunk, or at least when I’m drunk, fast food is the greatest thing in the world. And that’s the case when I pay for it. Even when I get drunk as shit and drop upwards of $20+ on fast food at 3am, it’s worth it. Totally worth it. Doesn’t even matter that I wake up the next day surrounded by empty wrappers and it feels like I drank gasoline then chased it with a lit match. Drunk fast food is the best fast food. Hands down. Throw in the part where the fast food is free if you stick your head in a garbage bin for a few harmless seconds? Done and done. I’ll sprint full speed into traffic if somebody offers me a free Big Mac as I stumble out of a bar around 2am. Are Big Macs even that good? Nope. I don’t give a fuck. Because when I’m drunk a Big Mac isn’t just a Big Mac. It’s the best Big Mac. It’s the best burger ever created. Created specifically for me in that moment of time and space. The secret Big Mac sauce instantly becomes a delicacy with an unmatched flavor. So should this chick be embarrassed? I mean probably but she can rest easy knowing she did the right thing given the set of circumstances.