Introducing Lauren from the University of Iowa. Great way to start off this week of smokes. Potato sack city.
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Metro- We found these novelty pen holders on Etsy and they are all sorts of sexy insane. Dubbed ‘naughty pen holders’ the wooden objects feature women in compromising positions, whilst the allotted slot for the pen is in each woman’s private area. Lovely. The set of four will cost you £90, whilst you can pick up each individual piece of stationery for £28. There’s nothing that could possibly ever go wrong in buying these for your boss, nothing. They’re pieces of art, surely?
PERFECT time to release these now. The first thing you learn in business school (I have no idea if this is true) is to learn to judge where the tides are going and make a product that fits said tides. Know where things are trending. Well after a weekend of naked pictures being released all over the place and it being around the time when kids head back to school I’d say there’s no better product to release than these Naughty Pen Holders. Going back to school was always a tough time. Summer’s over, you can’t lay around all day any more and then there’s the social pressure that comes from the kind of clothes you have and the type of supplies you buy. Well problem solved for the latter. Showing up to school and jamming your pen into the pussy of a pen holder is all your child needs in order to be the coolest kid at school. I believe we call it a “power move” around here. Everybody else is going to have lame pen holders. Not your kid. Not when he breaks out his X-rated pen holder and shows up all the other stupid school supplies. Maybe don’t buy him anything else. No notebooks, no folder, no highlighters. Strictly get your kid one of these pen holders and a single pen. That’s the power move of power moves. So do your young kid a favor and get him one of those Naughty Pen Holders. It’ll pay HUGE dividends in their social life. Trust me.
What did I just watch? If you told me there was a YouTube video involving a chick with green hair and a hat that said “Take Your Panties Off” letting a good-sized spider crawl out of her mouth and onto the side of her face and that the video was set to some weird music, I would’ve called bull shit. But lo and behold there it is. Right in front of our faces. Weird as fuck. That’s the thing about the internet. It’s the weirdest place ever. It’s a place where guys named Spooky Ghost become famous and wield the power to ruin the lives of the most rich and famous among us. All from the comfort of their secret underground lair in a dark corner of the internet. Almost anything you can think of is out there and there’s no better proof of that than the video above. Just completely random. No rhyme or reason for it to exist other than the internet exists so why the fuck not? It has over 400,000 views on YouTube so clearly people want to see it. I’m surprised I even clicked on it to be honest. Few things are scarier than spiders. If I see a spider on a wall in my house I just avoid that wall completely. That’s how I deal with most problems in general. Avoid them. But but not this chick. She sees a spider and is all like “Hop on in my mouth!”. Fucking disgusting.
IOWA CITY — The season-opening football game at Kinnick Stadium saw a steep drop-off of game day arrests and citations in and around the stadium, according to University of Iowa police. Police arrested just three people for public intoxication and charged three others for underage possession of alcohol. No one over the age of 24 was charged with a crime. David Visin, UI associate director of public safety, said his records, which date back to 2009, show it was the calmest game day ever for law enforcement. In 2010, officials at the University of Iowa launched the “Think Before You Drink” campaign, which saw huge spikes in a number of offenses. During the 2010 season opening game at Kinnick Stadium, police charged 119 people with possessing an open container. Between 2011 and 2013 they charged another 180 people with possessing an open container during season opening games. On Saturday. not a single person was cited for having an open container. UI Police took to Twitter Saturday afternoon to acknowledge the good behavior of the fans, while noting there was no lack of festivities. “We were a little concerned when the loud party calls started at 0630, but you got it together & had a great day,” tweeted the official “U of Iowa Police” account. Officials with the UI athletic department and police department were not immediately available for comment Tuesday.
Zip. Zilch. None. The police gave out zero open container tickets on Saturday outside of Kinnick and that’s what I call progress. Because here’a the thing: the University of Iowa killed tailgating as everybody had come to know it when they launched their Think Before You Drink crusade back in 2010. They murdered it in cold blood. It was a disgrace. Think Before You Drink was basically an excuse for cops to crack down on people with open beers walking down Melrose. During the opening game of the 2010 season 119 people were hit with open container tickets. And there were zero on Saturday for the Hawkeyes opening game against Northern Iowa in Iowa City. That’s why it’s called progress. It’s still not the same as it used to be. You used to be able to walk up and down Melrose with an open beer in your hand and the cops wouldn’t bother you. That all went out the window in 2010.
Oh, and don’t for one second think the U of I being super worried about lagging ticket sales (there’s still 7,500 tickets left for the Ball State game on Saturday. 7,500! That’s insane) and the big decrease of open container tickets, and alcohol-related arrests in general, aren’t connected because they totally are. Hopefully this is a sign of them saying “Alright, we fucked up before. Now come back and start buying tickets.” Like I said above, the institution of Think Before You Drink in 2010 fucked up tailgating all together. It made average Joes and students afraid to go down there and get their boozing on. They figured it was safer and cheaper to just stay home and drink without running the risk of getting arrested or ticketed by overzealous police officers. The bottom line is people don’t like to be hassled when they’re tailgating. The people who are blacked out and throwing punches? They should be arrested. Not the normal person who just wants to get a strong buzz going at 9:30am in preparation to watch their Hawkeyes.
It’s progress if the cops were told to chill the fuck out on ticketing every single person who has an open beer in their hand. In fact, I was tailgating in Iowa City on Saturday. I was walking with a buddy who was holding an unopened tall boy as we strolled down Melrose. A cop asked told him to throw it away if it was open. Once he saw it was closed he let us keep moving. 4 years ago if that beer had been open? My buddy gets a ticket without a shred of doubt. Again, progress.
UK Telegraph- HBO are remastering the entire series of The Wire for broadcast, it is believed. Despite no official statement from the American cable channel, reports suggest that HD versions of every episode will be aired on a nightly basis from next Monday (September 8). The iconic series ran for five seasons from 2002 to 2008 and offered a bird’s eye view of life on the streets of Baltimore, with each season focusing on a different facet of the city. The series starred British actors Dominic West as Detective Jimmy McNulty and Idris Elba as Stringer Bell. Despite receiving average ratings upon its original airing, The Wire is considered to be one of the greatest TV dramas of all time. Rumours of the rebroadcast began surfacing at the weekend when a 30-second trailer reportedly began airing across HBO’s channels. It has not been made clear whether the series, produced in 4×3 standard definition, will become available in widescreen following the HD remastering. Speaking before the final season in 2008, director of photography Dave Insley said, “The reason the show has stayed 4×3 is because [creator] David Simon thinks that [it] feels more like real life and real television.”
Is this happening or is it not happening? Depends on what news source you go to. Some are saying it’s for sure happening and others are saying it’s for sure not happening. The promo above might even be fake. I don’t have an answer for whether it’s real or not. Creator David Simon has always said he doesn’t want the show remastered in HD because it works better the way it is. More real life-looking and gritty. Maybe he’s right and maybe he’s wrong. All I know is that I hope the remastering talk is true. Not so much because I give a shit about if it’s in HD or not. I like it the way it is. But if HBO starts re-airing all of the episodes again that means people who have never seen the show will tune in and watch it and that’s all that matters. Everyone with a pulse should have to watch The Wire. Everyone. It needs to be mandatory. Like learning that 2+2 equals 4, people should be forced to sit down and watch The Wire in its entirety. It’s that important. It’s the greatest show ever made. The show is like a crash course on how the world actually works with entertaining characters and plot lines mixed in. You can have you Breaking Bads and your Sopranos. They don’t hold a candle to the The Wire. I’ll ride with Bunk and McNulty over Walt and Jesse every day of the week. And I like Breaking Bad a whole lot. It’s fantastic. But The Wire is my jam. So if this turns out to be true and HBO does start re-airing the entire series starting on September 8th, I demand you sit down and watch it. That’s an order.
PS- My roommate recently started watching The Wire so there’s a bunch of On-Demand episodes on the DVR. Sometimes when I’m sitting around I’ll randomly pick an episode and put it on for background noise. Well within 10 minutes of every time I do that I’m sitting on my couch fully into the episode like it’s my first time seeing it. I fucking love that show.
Why not I guess? This commercial ran this weekend during the Iowa game and it’s pretty cool I suppose. Somewhat confusing. Almost like the people at the Big Ten were like, “What’s the most popular show in the world right now? Game of Thrones? We should make a Big Ten/GOT mash up and for no apparent reason other than that show is really really popular.” Unless I’m missing something which is always a possibility. But if we’re being honest I of course loved it. I love the Big Ten and I love Game of Thrones so what’s not to like? That’s where I’m currently at with my love of Game of Thrones. Somebody can make a commercial involving it and something else that has absolutely nothing to do with the show and I’ll enjoy it.
Who would be the best head football coach to add to the list of a million characters there already are in GOT? Has to be Bo Pelini, right? Has to be. The guy is an asshole wild card who would fit perfectly into the world of Westeros and make things interesting. As much as I want to say Iowa’s Kirk Ferentz would be a good character the fact of the matter is that he’s boring as fuck and wouldn’t be able to carry a storyline by himself. The guy does nothing but chew gum, scribble notes onto his note pad and take 2 star recruits from the Midwest and turn them into NFL players. His demeanor is good for the identity of a college football team but not so much when trying to make an HBO show interesting.
ELIZABETH, Colo. — A woman says she was texting and driving when she hit a pole that went through her car, piercing her thigh and buttocks. Elizabeth firefighters had to saw off the front and back end of the pole to get the woman out. Christina Jahnz says she was in the parking lot of Elizabeth Middle School on Wednesday morning to deliver her daughter’s saxophone, which had been left at home. As she was driving away from the school, Jahnz started texting her friend. ”I was running late for a business meeting, so I did a voice text. I looked down to make sure it was all right. The next thing I knew, I was looking up, there was white powder from the air bags deployed,” Jahnz said. Then, Jahnz realized that the guardrail pole went through the front of her truck, through her buttocks and into the back of her seat. Elizabeth firefighters rushed to the scene, where she says they used a saw to cut the front and back end of the pole before rushing her to Parker Adventist Hospital. ”I went into surgery and I lost count of the stitches after 40. They stitched me up inside too. I’m truly a miracle. They said if it gone just a little bit the other way I would have bled out,” Jahnz said.
You know how everybody lives in fear thinking about the way they’re going to die? I’m a person who lives without that fear and you know why? Because I already know how it’s going to happen and that’s by way of texting and driving. That’s how I’m going to go. No doubt about it. I’ll be driving along someday, refreshing Twitter to see the latest picture Cute Emergency posted and I’ll plow into a pole just like this woman did. Except for me the pole will go straight through my head. That’s not a prediction. That’s a guarantee. That’s what’s going to happen. I know that because no matter how many sob story PSA commercials I see or how many stories like this woman getting impaled in the ass cheek I read, I can’t stop checking my phone when I’m driving. I check texts, I check e-mails, I check Twitter, I check SnapChat. I do everything except pay attention to what is happening on the road right in front of me. I get bored as fuck when I drive so it’s only a matter of time before I unlock my phone and start fiddling around with it. I’m not proud of the fact that I can’t not look at my phone for more than 2 minutes. It’s just who I am at this point. Becoming a blogger has made it a billion times worse too. My life is my phone and not even the prospect of ramming into a telephone pole at a high rate of speed stops me from checking it. So when I see a story like this lady who crashed while texting and driving I don’t say “What a moron. Pay attention to the road” I say “I totally get it”. When the day arrives and the headline “Smut Blogger From Iowa Dies While Texting And Driving” just remember that I saw it coming. Figuratively saw it coming, not literally. Because more than likely I was trying to get a high score in Temple Run when it happened.